Cromulent Avoision

Holy fucking shit. Brett Favre has been (or will be) traded to the New York Jets.

The Jets are an AFC team, which means I can follow them (or perhaps even wear a new jersey*) without feeling like a complete traitor. Look: I won't apologize for wanting to continue to pay attention to Favre and what he can accomplish on the field. As I've said before, that man has provided me with so many memories, it stands to reason that I would want to keep watching for more.

The other reason I'm using to justify that is the fact that the next time the Jets are scheduled to play play at Lambeau** is in 2014. I don't think Brett will still be playing then... but if he is, then upon his return to the Frozen Tundra he'll be starting*** like his 383rd consecutive game.

P.S. My prediction for the Post's headline tomorrow: "Broadway Brett!"

*HA! New jersey! Get it?!
**They will play at The Meadowlands in 2010.
***Even if Brett barely knows half of the plays in the Jets' repertoire by the time Week 1 kicks off, they'd damn well better plan on at least letting him start!

Mindsets Are Overrated

2008-08-05T21:09:00.002-05:00

Today's update is far worse than I had hoped. Looks like it's all about Favre not being willing to give 100% to the Packers -- or at least what Coach Oblio identified as 100%, which involved watching game film on a Thursday night -- and the Packers organization not giving Favre enough of a welcome home for his liking. Holy fucking shit, what a nightmare.

Funny thing is, Jason Whitlock was totally right a couple of weeks ago when he posted this open letter to the main reason why Brett Favre is no longer going to be a Packer, Ted "Twatrocket" Thompson. Read that, then read it again.

Coach said in this afternoon's press conference that Brett was "not in the proper mindset" to be a Packer this season. Brett purportedly said that too many hurtful things were said and too much damage done for him to ignore/forget. I have no fucking idea what that means. I want to know who said what to whom and when, just so I can justify in my own mind whether saying something like that is even remotely defensible. (My bet is it was Thompson, in the library, with the lead pipe.)

Maybe we'll learn more about that in the near future. In the meantime, the fact that this isn't over and happily resolved for Brett, the Packers, and -- most importantly -- the fans just has me feeling really, really sad. The prospect of Favre wearing a new (pewter?) jersey on the field with a team other than the Packers next month just hurts. I just want to shake him and yell, "YOU RETIRED!" I'm having a really tough time understanding how he can feel the way he's feeling about the reception he received by management in Green Bay this week... mostly because it means the same guy who has given me so many amazing memories turns out to be just like any other selfish superstar.

Frankly, given that Thompson is such a colossal knucklefuck, I'd almost like to see him try to stay consistent and just ignore or decline any trades that come across his desk. Put Favre in his old #4 jersey, hand him a helmet, and have him sit on the sidelines unless and until he's needed in a game. Brett, you said you wanted one of three things: 1) Let me play, 2) trade me, or 3) release me unconditionally. I say let him play. As a Packer. Done.

Four More Years?

2008-08-04T08:34:00.007-05:00

I'm breaking radio silence today because this is amazing. Today is the closest we've come to a culmination of all the shit that's been going on with Favre, and I need to comment.

First of all, I can't hate him. Lots of people report that they do now; that they're done with him and his prima donna attitude. Look: He's still easily one of the best QBs out there. According to him, he made a mistake by retiring back in March. Have you ever made a mistake? Ever regretted a decision? Yeah. So leave that alone. Is he blameless? No. It was stupid to give an interview to Fox News rather than work through things using the 'proper channels.' Then again, knowing how badly Ted Thompson has mismanaged things with Favre, I can understand his frustration. I don't hate Favre. I hate this situation. Since July 4th, I have had this pit in my stomach that just roils and twists every time I have thought about this because of all of the endless conjecture and possible scenarios, which necessarily have included talk of a trade from the Packers. That thought has actually made me physically ill.

Yesterday, Roger Goodell accepted Favre's request to be reinstated to the NFL's active roster, and today at noon, the Packers will officially welcome him back... although perhaps "welcome" isn't quite the right word. We'll see tonight at 8:15 what Coach Oblio says, but the news from ESPN is that Favre will be allowed to compete with A-Rodge for the starting QB position. Frankly, there's nothing I'd enjoy more than seeing #4 starting in the Packers' first (nationally-televised!) preseason game against Cincy one week from tonight. It will seem right, whereas watching A-Rodge start and knowing that in a month we'd be retiring that #4 at Lambeau was not going to. I would celebrate, but... well, it'd just be very not right. I'm all for postponing that for as long as we can.

But here's the thing (actually, there are two concerns I have): 1) This won't end up stopping the trading talk. If Favre is competing, he could lose. (Yes, even I can admit that he can fail.) If he does, he could still wind up as a Jet, a Buc, or [gulp] even a Bear or [gag] a Viking. But perhaps even worse, 2) he could win the position... and then wind up playing the way he's supposed to "at his age." Trust me, I want more than anything for there to be one more magical season like this last one was. The problem is, there can't be. The thing that made the 2007 season magical was that it was completely unexpected. This season will already always be mired by the circus that has preceded it. If anything, Favre will feel the need to work all that much harder to win the spot, then feel he has to work all that much harder during the season and wind up with an injury trying to play younger than he is or simply go back to playing slingball and forgetting all of the techniques he was able to perfect over the past couple of years, when he went back to school and really re-learned how to play the QB position. If he sees the job as a gift, he might play like next year doesn't matter and put his team and his teammates in jeopardy. We could be up for another mediocre season... or another 4-win season. If we were going to have one of those in 2008, I wanted it to be because it was A-Rodge's learning curve season, not because Favre didn't take the opportunity to quit while he was ahead.

But look at what I'm doing. It's all conjecture. We can't know what will happen. We have to let it. We have to see what transpires. Again: More than anything, I want Favre to be Superman. I want him to come out playing at the same level as he was able to achieve last year, and then continue to improve. I want the team to rally behind him and want him to do well so they all do well. (I worry that the circus has already soured his teammates' attitudes in that regard.) I want Brett to be the starting QB and talk to the Packers team before the opening Monday Night Football game and apologize, saying it really was stupid what he did, and that in the final analysis it was really just all about the football -- about Packers football -- and that they were going to go out there and leave everything on the field every week and never look back. I want that team to be a team, banded together, running out on that field and mangling their opponents, not coming off the adrenaline rush until an hour after the final gun. I want to be the team of destiny with the seasoned QB not willing to go quietly into the sunset but hungry to go all the way to Tampa on February 1, 2009.

One last thing. A friend said this weekend that if the team was in a position to bring Favre back, that they should really put him through the wringer, practice-wise -- enough so that he wants to quit all over again. I'm perfectly happy with making him earn the position, but not with the intention of breaking him. But if that is what were to happen, god dammit, I want Favre to jump through whatever hoops and barriers the organization puts up and come out of it as though it was just another practice. I want him to be the clear winner, not just so there are no hard feelings, but so that the team moves on and comes as close as they can to forgetting this whole mess ever transpired in the first place. I want Favre at his best, and -- call me a fool for believing it, but -- I honestly believe he can be the best. I want him proving that against the Colts on October 19th by facing Peyton Manning and making him look like a clueless child. BUT, if that does not happen -- if injury, hurt feelings, a trade, or any combination of the above are to occur -- let me remind you (and myself): Aaron Rodgers is a hell of a lot better than the plurality of the starting quarterbacks in the NFL today. He is twice the QB Rex Grossman will ever be, and Grossman was in the fucking Super Bowl two seasons ago.

I can't believe there's a quarterback controversy in Green Bay... that involves Brett Favre.

"Lifecasting"

2008-06-18T22:02:00.004-05:00

I realize I haven't written a word since Brett Favre announced his retirement. One or two of you might have recognized that, too. I was filled with all kinds of emotion about it, and I certainly had blog fodder, but I never did bring myself to respond here. Instead, I grabbed my support system and held tight as we went through all the coping stages together. I may circle back around to this at some point. ...Oh, who am I kidding? We all know I will. Stay tuned.

The newest time-sucker in my life was introduced thanks to some enterprising fellow geeks on a site called Justin.tv. I've been a Woot addict for years. I tune in every night at midnight Central time (no matter where I am, as long as I'm near an Internet connection) and check out what's on the block tonight. Every once in a while, I make a purchase. (My most recent one was two nights ago, when I picked up some new cases for my iPhone.)

But I'm certainly not alone. Dozens to hundreds of other geeks across the land are dialed in to Woot, all of us hitting F5 together at the zero hour. One fellow geek in particular -- we'll call him Mike (because that's his name) -- was enterprising enough to gather the resources and know-how to begin broadcasting live from his home every night fifteen minutes before the new products dropped (the time now known as "a quarter-to-Woot"). He used Justin.tv because that allowed him to connect with fellow Wooters via chat as he broadcast. The result? WootTV. Mike and his viewers gather together and make predictions about what the Woot will be. He has a pickle and drinks a Zija or a Guinness. If it's worth discussing, the latest product is talked about briefly as we decide whether and/or how many to buy. Then sometimes we hang out and play a game of trivia or exercise some other type of foolishness together. It's usually a blast.

So as I kept watching Mike do his thing, I kept thinking, Man, I could do that. And so now I do. Every night at three-quarters-to-a-quarter-to-Woot (a.k.a. $1-to-Woot... or 11pm Central), I broadcast from my place. DeeDee rolls her eyes, but tolerates it. I've worked through most of the growing pains. The only major one remaining (over which I really have no control) is my less-than-stellar DSL connection speed, but for now the solution is to simply 'cast at a lower bitrate. But you don't really give a shit about that, do you?

The point is, I'm 'casting nightly (or just about) now, and I'd love it if you'd stop on by and say howdy. We have fun, and the more the merrier. Come check me out! Don't worry: I'll post some details soon on how best to assimilate so that you don't look like a total n00b, tool, or dicknuckle.

The Best Hometown(s) I Know

2008-02-26T22:42:00.006-06:00

Speaking of childhood homes, Ang sent this to me the other day:

I used to love that "Hello Milwaukee" jingle from the mid-'80s -- reminds me of when I met John Malan at the boat show and he signed a Xeroxed picture of himself for me! -- until about a year after it came out, when I heard the same jingle with different lyrics; but instead of "...Hello Milwaukee! Channel 12 loves you!" it was "...Hello West Michigan! Channel 3 loves you!" (on WWMT -- "We're West Michigan Television!" -- out of Kalamazoo). And then I heard it again in both Atlanta and Chicago, which made me think, among other things, West Michigan? Really?

Apparently, the jingle may have had its origins in Canada.

Most recently, we heard it in San Diego on the Old Town Trolley Tour... which, incidentally, was narrated by the always current and relevant Rich Little.

The same woman appears to have sung all of the jingles. She must have made a fortune in residuals. She and Rich Little probably own an island in the Bahamas together.

Google Street View of My Childhood Home

2008-02-13T23:54:00.003-06:00

View Larger Map

That is just fucking cool. I love Google.

And no, I have no idea who that woman is.

UPSET

2008-02-03T21:10:00.000-06:00

Packers 20 - Giants 23 (OT)

That post title has a dual meaning tonight. It's Super Sunday -- not nearly as super as we'd hoped, unfortunately. That's meaning #1: Over the past two weeks, my disposition has been pretty much summed up with that five-letter word. I've been all over the lower end of the emotional map, actually. Hasn't been too fun. For me or anyone around me.

That all changed just a few minutes ago -- only slightly, mind you, but there has definitely been a palpable change. That's meaning #2: The Giants definitely upset us, but they did something much more important tonight. They just upset the until-now-undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl. I kept saying that, if they are going to beat us, they'd damn well better beat New England. I also kept saying that the chances of that happening were absolutely naught. My prediction for the final score of this game was like 56-10 Pats. The Giants just won 17-14. And there were three lead changes in the 4th quarter, so it seemed even way lower-scoring than that. But the point is that the fact that it wasn't Brett and the boys there with a shot at knocking the Pats off their high, conceited horse now hurts just a little bit less.

Our game against the Giants was also a low-scoring affair. It was cold. I think the third-coldest championship game ever played. All signs pointed to Eli Manning not being able to brave the cold, and -- come on -- we're the Packers. The team that plays at a place they call the Frozen Tundra all the time.

But then again, the last time Brett played in cold like this was in the loss to the Bears at Soldier Field. And the Giants had won 9 road games in a row coming into Lambeau. Hm. Yeah, all of the damn stats were conflicting, confusing, and distracting. Perhaps that's what went wrong. Actually, several things went wrong on both sides of the ball, and for both teams. It's just that more went wrong for us than for them. And, actually, in a couple of cases, the shit that went wrong for us was thanks to horrible calls from an officiating crew that had no place working a Playoff game! If the Playoffs' crews are supposed to be the best in the league just like the teams playing in those games... then the only explanation for the presence of Terry McAulay and his boys is that they had something juicy on Roger Goodell. Inexcusable.

The most exhilarating play was a 90-yard TD pass to Double D, who got jammed at the line by Corey Webster but then caught the pass in stride and beat him big time (and high-stepped past the safety) early in the 2nd quarter. One would have hoped it would spark the offense into finally relaxing into some semblance of consistency, but, alas, it didn't work out that way. That play was the longest offensive play in Packers postseason history... but it was also 34% of their offensive output in the entire game. A week after Ryan Grant ran for 201, we only earned 63 more yards than that as a team. Grant ran only 13 times, and ten of those were for two yards or less. Sigh. We couldn't convert 3rd downs -- we were 1-for-10. It led to a choppy-feeling game with no chance to set the tempo.

A roller coaster moment came early in the 4th quarter, when Favre escaped the pass rush but then had his pass intercepted. "Dorsey" had a heads-up defensive play, though, when he knocked the ball out and it squirted right into Tausch's arms. Instead of getting the ball into the end zone for the lead, though, we ended up having to settle for the tying field goal. The defense was just okay. (The Giants' D was impressive.) This was unfortunately one of those games in which Al Harris just didn't play shut-down corner. It was reminiscent of his play in Dallas. Plaxico Burress had a monster game, which meant Eli Manning's numbers looked pretty great.

Even when a couple of things went right -- specifically, Lawrence Tynes missing not one but two field goals, our winning the toss for possession in overtime -- we weren't able to get it together and take over. Another big shoulda'-coulda'-woulda' play came in a 4th quarter punt return, when we knocked the ball out of McQuarters' grasp, but then neither Bush nor Poppinga, both of whom got their mitts on the ball, was able to hang onto it for us. The absolutely most excruciating moment was Brett Favre's last pass in the game -- and, ultimately, the season -- which was supposedly going to Driver but was picked off by Webster. It was only the second play of the extra quarter. Devastating.

But after a couple of weeks, it's a little more tolerable. And after watching the team that beat us go all the way to win the Super Bowl over a team that hadn't lost a game all season, it was even a little more therapeutic. Don't get me wrong, though. It should have been us.

Looking back over this past season, and especially comparing it with the record we managed just two seasons earlier, only two words come to me as a Packers fan: Thank you!

NFC Championship Sunday!

2008-01-20T09:24:00.000-06:00

First, some catch-up:

Packers 33 - Rams 14

I got to watch this one on a widescreen rear-projection TV, but with my in-laws muttering on and constantly razzing me in the background. You know when people know you enjoy something and they deliberately feign interest or condescend with the sole intention of getting a reaction from you? Yeah. Three hours of that. And the first half was enough of a question mark to make each comment cut twice as deep. Luckily, as we've done in several games this year, the Pack came back having made some good adjustments at the half and finished strong. We kept St. Louis scoreless in the 2nd half.

And it was one of Bigby's waxing games. As much as he pisses me off with his missed assignments or cocky attitude or sometimes just being a rookie, I can't throw much hate his way when he has a game like this. Two INTs and several decent tackles made this one of the good games. The interception late in the first half was a momentum-changer that kept the Packers up by three at the half. The other driving force in this game was the special teams play of Koren Robinson and Will Blackmon, who combined for over 100 return yards on just three returns. And if special teams is playing well (OBTW, Crosby was 4-4 kicking field goals), then if either the offense or the defense is playing well, you know the likely outcome. Well, let's leave aside for the moment that on offense we have Brett Favre (after all, even though he passed Marino in total passing yards, he threw two INTs). In this game, the defense stepped up and took over. After two games with no sacks, we got four against the Rams. Nick Barnett had two, and Kampman and Hawk both had one.

Packers 7 - Bears 35

The most remarkable thing about this game was where I was when I watched it -- at the ESPN Club at the Boardwalk at Walt Disney World in Orlando. 50+ high def flat screens, each with a tag underneath them indicating which game would be playing at 1pm. There were a dozen Favre jerseys within my line-of-sight... and two Bears fans.

So we got to commiserate. The weather in Orlando was in the 80s and sunny. Not so in Chi-town, where the winds were whipping and the temps were in the teens. Favre's passes were blowing all over the place. He was 2-of-7 in the first half, so we obviously needed to rely on the running game, which was okay on a couple of plays. The most important one came in the 2nd Quarter, when Dorsey Grant ran 66 yards for a TD. Unlike last week's game, though, the special teams play was HORRID. Jon Ryan ended a not-well-publicized streak of 12 years and 929 punts without a block in the 2nd Quarter... and then followed that up with another one in the 3rd. Not only that, but he dropped a snap and wound up with a 9-yard punt, too.

The most perplexing thing was our defense's lackluster play. The Bears had one offensive play in their playbook: Run up the middle. How could we not adjust and come up with a solution for that one? And how was it that, in the same weather, Orton only had 6 incomplete passes?

I left the Club when Urlacher picked off a deflected Favre pass and ran it back 85 yards to reach what would be the final score of 35-7. 11 minutes remained in the game at that time. They may have beaten us both times this season, but the Bears still suck.

Packers 34 - Lions 13

That's more like it. If the Bears are going to beat us twice, we're sure as hell going to have to own the Lions in both our games against them this season. We rested Double D, the Jennerator, Woody, Kampman, Lee, and Pickett. The last thing we want is injuries going into the Divisional Playoff game two weeks later. (Cut to me worried as both Will Blackmon and Dorsey Grant go out with injuries in this game.) Favre played (the consecutive start streak stays alive at 253), but only for three series... for three touchdowns. He was 9-of-11 for 99 yards and two TD passes, and OBTW a 21-yard run. Then dark horse Craig Nall came in to clean up for the rest of the game. He got to throw a TD pass for the first time in three seasons -- good for him.

The last time the Lions won a game in Wisconsin was in 1991, which means they've never beaten Favre here. Also, our final-game winning percentage is the best in the NFL since 1994 -- we're now 13-1. Right behind us with a record of 11-3 are the Washington Redskins... who beat the Cowboys on this day. Yes, that means if we had beaten the Bears last week we would own home field advantage over Dallas throughout the Playoffs... but I digress.

As we would discover just 14 days later, it wouldn't matter.

13 DAYS LATER...

Packers 42 - Seahawks 20

Holy crap, was this game amazing. It was magical. The snow falling from the sky was the angels spitting their approval down on Lambeau and the Packer Nation -- "cherubim spittle," it was dubbed, willing us to the NFC Championship game. (My video of this trip to follow.) The first four minutes were disquieting, but Brett didn't get desperate -- there was after all plenty of time left on the clock. And he and his young team were deliberate about moving down the field. Young Ryan Grant -- who earned the right to be called by his own name after his performance in this game -- more than made up for his errors in those opening minutes. He ran for 201 yards and scored three TDs, more (on both counts) than anyone in Packers postseason history. Our 42 points were the most ever for us, too. Same for our 25 first downs. It was meant to be.

Never in all of my games at Lambeau have I seen it, heard it, or felt it quite like that. The game a week before that last glorious Seahawks playoff game four years ago -- when we played the Broncos -- was close on the eerie-feel scale. That was the game in the trailing minutes of which the Cardinals had scored against the Vikings to pull within 5 and then gotten the on-side kick with under 2:00 left to play in Arizona. People in the stands were listening to that game on their radios, and you could tell who had a radio by these 'pockets' of activity throughout the stadium. When the Cards would get a first down, little concentric circles of excitement would erupt. We spent quite a bit of time near the end of the 4th quarter turning around behind us to see what the folks in the luxury boxes were seeing on TV. When Arizona got that TD that was ruled a forceout to pull them up by one point against Minnesota, the place went nuts. Then we heard it was being challenged, and it was eerily silent as we awaited word from the radio- and TV-clad fans among us. Once the TD was verified -- I think it was right at the 2:00 warning of our game -- the lid came off and everyone was celebrating the fact that we’d backed our way into the Playoffs and would be hosting another game the next week.

Best of all, check out the sky earlier that evening. We were being smiled upon in that game much like we were in the snow last Saturday. It happened to be 11 years to the day after the last NFC Championship game we’d hosted against Carolina before SB XXXI. The difference in last Saturday’s game vs. that Broncos game was that the feeling was there almost the whole time last week… I mean, minus the first four minutes. I don’t remember sitting down for more than two or three minutes the entire game. Amazing. Almost unbelievable. We said that many times during the game: "Unbelievable." But we do believe. Boy, do we believe.

So today, thanks to the Giants beating the Cowboys, we're mere hours away from hosting one more home playoff game at Lambeau. And it's time for the Packers' Prayer:

Our Favre, who art at Lambeau,
Hallowed be thine arm.
The Bowl will come.
It will be won,
In Phoenix as it was in New Orleans.
Give us this Sunday our weekly win.
And give us many touchdown passes,
But do not let others pass against us.
And lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us to the valley of the sun.
For thine is the MVP,
The best of the NFC, and the glory of the Cheeseheads,
For ever and ever.
AMEN!!!

Go Pack Go!

Breaking News

2008-01-13T19:09:00.000-06:00

I know I have some games to catch up on -- I will -- but this warrants an immediate stop-press.

Yesterday, we rocked it in the snow at Lambeau against the Seahawks.

That got us a place in the NFC Championship game for the first time in ten years.

Today, we were rooting for the Giants to beat the recently less-than-stellar Cowboys so that we could host one more game at the sure-to-be-Frozen Tundra (given that it would be the latest game ever played there) rather than having to travel back to Dallas.

Less than 30 minutes ago, all of the pieces fell into place:

We will be playing in front of our home crowd for the right to go back to the Super Bowl one week from right now.

So there are four teams left in the hunt: Packers, Giants, Patriots, Chargers. Should the highest-seeded teams win next Sunday, it'll be a Packers-Pats rematch in Arizona.

WE DO.

Chumps to Champs

2008-01-11T22:48:00.000-06:00

Packers 38 - Raiders 7

I escorted Bob and Bob, Jr. up to the Tundra for the game. Here it is in a nutshell:

The damned battery on the videocam sapped itself somehow (perhaps we should blame Warren Sapp) the night before, so I didn't grab much footage during the game. Here's the only play I did snag:

That was Will Blackmon recovering a forced fumble on a punt and jumping in the stands with about 5:00 left in the 3rd Quarter. The officials said that the Oakland player was down by contact before he lost the ball, but Oblio challenged it and Ed Hochuli got the call right -- the ball was fumbled and clearly recovered by Blackmon 8 yards deep in the end zone. That meant it was Blackmon's second special teams TD of the game. It's been over 20 years since we've had two special teams TDs in the same game... and in this game it was the same player! His first one was coming right at us in the 2nd Quarter, when he caught a punt on the run and ran it back 57 yards into the end zone. We didn't discover until later that there was some controversy surrounding the play and that Sapp was moaning on the sidelines that Will had stepped out of bounds before taking it all the way. No challenge, though, so it stayed on the scoreboard.

In the end, as you can see on the video above, we walked away as official champions of the NFC North. The other excitement happening in the stadium was due to the fact that the score of the Lions-Cowboys game kept flashing up, and Detroit was owning Dallas. Unfortunately, on the walk back to the car, we heard the news that Romo and the 'boys made a game of it in the last minute and wound up with the victory. The Lions fail to help us out once again.

Two years ago, we were 4-12. We're now 11-2. This has already been a magical season, and I am thrilled to have been able to see this particular game. Lambeau was slightly more electric than it's been in a few seasons, although it always does have that special mystique. It really is "home."

O.M.F...G!!!1!

2008-01-01T23:30:00.000-06:00

I know I'm a few games behind. I won't pretend that I've made a New Year's resolution to blog more consistently. 1) I don't make New Year's resolutions, and 2) it ain't gonna' happen.

I do some webmaster work on the side for a couple of local businesses. It makes me some extra scratch, and -- as it turns out -- it has recently led to a friend-of-a-friend connection of the most excellent kind. I received a 'Packeriffic' X-mas "bonus" from one of my employers, including a ton of cool Packers games and a psycho fan handbook... and then -- in a separate "OPEN THIS LAST" bag -- this:

"To Andy
The Tech God
Best Wishes"

I was speechless when I unwrapped it, and I still can't really believe it now. All I know is that I have spent more time looking at that over the last 30 hours than I spent bathing myself in 2007.

Blame Game

2007-12-14T23:07:00.000-06:00

Packers 27 - Cowboys 37

There were just too many things that went wrong a couple of Thursdays ago. Taken individually, none of them should have led to a defeat. All together, though, they sealed our fate.

Injuries. Yes, this would have been #1 if we'd won, too. The Packers beat the Cowboys even without Woody, Rouse, Bubba, Jolly, and KGB?! How underrated are they?! In this case, I think both Woodson and KGB would have made a difference if they'd been on the field. Al Harris may be one of the league's best corners, but when he was asked to shift into slots normally covered by Woody, his uncertainty was pretty clear, and Dallas exploited it. Oh, and by the way, Brett Favre had to leave the game with about ten minutes left in the first half... and he didn't return.
Pure, Unadulterated Desperation. While Favre was in, though, Oblio was calling all kinds of jailbreak plays, and absolutely none of them worked. There are games that Brett plays where he can almost do no wrong -- or at least if he does do wrong, the amount he's doing right easily eclipses whatever goes wrong. Then there are games like this one, where you feel like he gets into a kind of if I keep heaving things long, something's gotta' stick mentality. Thing is, he was either inaccurate or his receivers' routes weren't clean or he was just making poor decisions. One particularly frustrating play in the second quarter had him throwing into double coverage on Driver when Jennings was wide open shorter down the middle of the field. The only miracles happening on those plays were the fact that the passes weren't being intercepted. You know when Oblio's calling for an onside kick in the first quarter that all bets are off.
Crappy officiating. I thought we already had our dose for this season, but apparently it doesn't work that way. On the first pass thrown T.O.'s way, Al Harris took the ball away before Owens had demonstrated full possession and before he went out of bounds. In real time, it didn't look that way, so I was not surprised when it was first called a catch and then an out-of-bounds escort by Harris. But then a second later, another official came in signaling Green Bay's ball! Cue the replay:

I don't get how they can get away with backing down like that! Forward progress was stopped? What the fuck is that? How is that possible in a play that happened so quickly? He didn't make enough of a football move to prove he even had possession, much less a failure to keep moving forward afterward. It was a chickenshit call to make up for the fact that one of the officials completely missed what was happening on the field, and ignoring the one who exhibited some competence.

One more: This Pass Interference call was crap. Pay attention to the amount of time that passes between the play and the flag. Chickenshit.
Atari Bigby. Two things happened in the 4th quarter that kept us from winning this game. The first was that idiotic Pass Interference call that led to 7 points for the Cowgirls and the second was Bigby ripping Marion Barber's helmet off tacking on 15 yards, moving Dallas from the 46 to the 31 and leading to a field goal. We lost by 10. That's 10. Bigby couldn't tackle Witten, and he let both T.O. and Crayton make long receptions. Sure, he's had some exciting plays this year, but after this some veteran defensive leader should have sat him down and given him a good talking to, or else we should have just left him down in Big D.

To his credit, Aaron Rogers played Packers football the way we've been playing -- and winning -- all year, and he looked pretty awesome. He brought something to the game that Dallas hadn't prepared for: A running option. There were three impressive plays in which Rogers earned us first downs with his legs. He also got sacked and had balls batted, of course, but he had one string of 11 straight completions in between that, and he earned his first NFL TD.

Without the two turnovers, there wouldn't have been 14 points off them. But there were turnovers, and there were 14 points scored off them. Without Bigby's freshman behavior, we could have kept Dallas further away from scoring 3 more at the end. But he acted like an idiot. Without the piss poor officiating, we'd have had a chance to play in Dallas. But instead of responding to that adversity with stellar, praiseworthy execution, we sort of figuratively pouted at our shoes, kicked the ground, and admitted defeat. And it came.

Brett would be back to start ten days later, we knew. And we rallied behind him and his team, knowing that they have not really been far away from victory in either of their losses, and that they would respond with something much more definitive.

Carving Up the Thanksgiving Lions

2007-11-29T11:53:00.000-06:00

Packers 37 - Lions 26

"I threw it. They caught it. Nothing spectacular."

You've gotta' love Brett Favre's humility this year. A year in which he's not only breaking Packers team records and NFL records, but one in which he's breaking personal records he set in his MVP years. At this point in the season, it's unfortunate that the Patriots are undefeated because it makes everyone take notice of a pretty regular QB in Tom Brady and naturally assume he's a shoo-in for this year's MVP. As a team, sure, the Pats are playing some amazingly consistent football. But is Tom Brady better than Brett Favre this year? No way. Not by a long shot. Again: He's playing better this year than in any of his previous years, and he has already been the NFL's MVP more times than any other player. If you improve on that greatness, how could you not be considered the MVP?

Of course, having said all that, the first play snapped to Favre in this game probably isn't exactly the representative play you want to put on your reel to make your case. He tripped as he pitched the ball back to "Dorsey" Grant and the Lions recovered with excellent field position. Then the D really tightened, though, and we held them to just a field goal. Kampman didn't have quite as many sacks as I had expected he would (just two), but his presence was definitely felt. KGB and Williams both got a sack in, too.

The excitement started just after we said our Thanksgiving dinner prayer (I say it much differently than most, especially when the Packers are playing). Aaron Rouse got a pick early in the second quarter and ran it back 34 yards to the 11. One play later, Favre and the Jennerator had chalked up another TD and we were up 7-6. We didn't really turn it off again after that until the fourth quarter. More on that in a moment.

The most remarkable thing about this game was probably the passing streak that Favre set up. In the two-minute drill at the end of the first half, he had seven straight. In the third quarter, he did not have an incompletion. By the beginning of the fourth, he had broken the Packers team record and the league's record was in sight. Two straight incomplete passes in the end zone meant that he stopped at an amazing 20 straight passes... and we had to settle for just 3 points on that drive. Meanwhile, though, the Lions had done nothing of consequence -- one field goal to our 20 points.

But the rest of the fourth quarter was a little unnerving. Perhaps the tryptophan of hundreds of thousands of fans on one side of the TV screen somehow reached the defense on the other, because all of a sudden, they had allowed Detroit to score touchdowns instead of field goals, and the lead was down to just 8 points. Same thing happened last week. I don't want that to become a habit. I don't know what's more stressful: Having to come from behind to win it or being up and going all conservative and having to hold on by the skin of our teeth. Now, an 11-point victory isn't skin-of-our-teeth close, but it should have been more like 20. We need to have that Patriots don't-just-plunge-the-dagger-into-their-hearts-but-twist-that-sucker-a-few-times-too mentality and just own these games. That's what I want to see happen tonight, anyway.

I have not been this giddy about a game in a loooooong time. Two 10-1 teams meeting on a national stage, both in the NFC, playing for what could end up meaning home-field advantage in the Playoffs. Holy fucking shit.

Here's hoping Romo's too distracted by Jessica Simpson's boobs to play well in the spotlight.

Wait, what was I saying?

OAQBs

2007-11-20T20:41:00.000-06:00

Packers 31 - Panthers 17

The combined age of the starting QBs in today's game: 82. That's the same combined age as Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, and Cullen Jenkins... or two years younger than the combined age of the four people in my household (sorry, dere, Bob). Testaverde was the QB in Tampa Bay in the first game Favre played in for Green Bay (one week before the streak began, when he played a second-half relief role) in Florida in Week 3 of the 1992 season. FOX said Sunday afternoon that Vinnie had been to Green Bay to play against the Packers a total of 12 times... and 8 of those were before Favre started playing for us.

But who cares? We're 9-1! This is our best start since 1962, when we started 10-0 (and won our 8th championship, BTW). The World Champion Indiana-noplace Colts have lost two games in a row (although they won this weekend), so we're ahead of them. We're still tied with the Cowgirls, and Bill Belicheat's Pats are still undefeated, so we're in very good company at the top of the league standings... and, for the first time in years, #3 in the Power Rankings. This weekend, both Dallas and New England had individual receivers catch four TDs (Owens and Moss, respectively -- not respectfully). Meanwhile, we're known for spreading the ball around. I'm fairly certain that Favre completed passes to 20 different receivers in this game. So if Driver or Jennings is catching four each, watch out, 'cuz the score's probably going to wind up something like 66-12. I'd be okay with that.

Actually, Favre's 3 TDs in this game meant he tied (with Marino again) the NFL record for most games with 3 or more. I'm hopeful that the Turkey Day outing will make #63 so he can put another record behind him.

One of the plays of the day came from Tramon Williams in the first quarter. It looked like Carolina would try a field goal after making it to the 34 yard line, but John Kasay did a pooch punt instead and Tramon was ready. He caught the ball and ran like a hot knife through the coverage's butter (with an escort by Jason Hunter -- the least he could do after nearly knocking Tramon down at the 25!) and 94 yards later the score was 7-zip.

The second quarter was an exciting 14-point affair, with TD passes to the Jennerator and Donald Lee. Lee then caught his second TD pass in the third quarter, which meant we were up 28-3. After keeping Minnesota scoreless, it would have been nice to have been able to keep the Panthers out of the end zone completely, but we did somehow allow them in not once but twice before the end of the match. Luckily we got 3 turnovers and gave up none. Also, if this is the only thing I can find to complain about, we're in pretty damn good shape.

The most-impressive-but-somehow-easily-forgotten play was the one that started the clock ticking in the second half. Koren Robinson returned the kickoff 67 yards to the Carolina 28. That was our longest kickoff return so far this year, and it set up Lee's second touchdown four plays later. Not forgotten at all was Favre's 47-yard completion to Double-D on a play fake that was so good the folks at FOX nearly missed it completely. That led to Jennings' TD five plays later.

The Lions are in second place in the NFC North, and if we win in Detroit on Thursday, we'll be four games ahead of them. My predictions for the game: The Lions are good at taking the ball away. Brett's probably due for a pick, so maybe they can get one on him. As long as we don't have bad turnover luck like we had in the Chicago game, though, I think we'll come through unscathed. In fact, given how bad Detroit's O-line is at protecting Kitna, and how awesome Kampman (and even KGB) has been doing, we may force twice as many turnovers as they could hope to.

Frankly, the thing I'm most immediately concerned about regarding this Thursday's game is having to watch it on my sister- and brother-in-laws' crap-ass console TV from 1972. Pass me the HDTV.

A Well-Balanced Shutout

2007-11-14T12:31:00.000-06:00

Packers 34 - Vikings 0

You read that right. Zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Bupkis. Et cetera. Look, I know how the Vikings "fans" feel. But damn if it don't feel good to me right now!

Things are going right for the Packers this year, where last year they were going very wrong. We kept losing the close games. Now we're doing what we need to do to win them. I was lamenting last week how we hadn't really just run away with a game yet. Even in our worst season, when we only won four in 2005, we absolutely killed the Saints.* I wasn't calling for a 52-pointer, but a game in which it felt like we could do no wrong would have been nice.

Enter the surprisingly-accommodating Vikings.

In this game, even when something bad was about to happen, it turned around in our favor. Two cases in point, both from the 4th quarter:

The Vikings take advantage of a roughing-the-passer penalty and string together some good pass plays and a run to get all the way down to the 7. On 1st-and-goal, Woody picks off Bollinger's pass at the 2, preserving the shutout.
On our possession following the INT, with just under 6:00 to play, Favre throws it to Ruvell Martin in the end zone on 3rd-and-5 from the 17. Cedric Griffin and Darren Sharper** both tried to pick it off, but collided. The ball popped up and landed safely in Ruvell's hands for his second TD of the game.

The other Packer to catch a TD pass was Donald Lee. His grab marked the 200th touchdown pass Favre has thrown at Lambeau Field. This was also the 250th consecutive regular-season sellout at the frozen tundra -- 264 if you count the playoffs (and you should). I've been to more than a dozen of those, of course, and Bob, Jeff, and Bob, Jr. will be making the pilgrimage together again for the Oakland game on December 9th for #266.

Along with the excellent defense, the run game made another resurgence in this game. The Packers ran for over 100 yards for the first time this season against the Broncos two weeks ago. This week, Ryan "Dorsey" Grant had already run for 81 yards by the end of the 1st quarter, including a 30-yard jaunt into the end zone to put us on the board. When he was done, he'd racked up 119 against a stingy defense, while the Vikings' rookie phenom Adrian Peterson had only 45 yards on 11 carries, and left the game with a boo-boo on his knee. We were expected to be able to run against Denver because their defense if the worst against the run in the NFL. Before this game, though, no one had been able to run for 100+ yards against the Vikings this season.

And of course the passing game didn't go away. In the 2nd quarter, Favre became the second QB in NFL history to pass for over 60,000 yards. He wound up with 351 on the day, which means he only needs 1,105 more to surpass Marino for that record.

One more stat: Favre wasn't sacked in this game, so kudos, too, to the O-line.

*This week's game was the second-highest margin of victory we've achieved since that Saints game. That was also the last time I got called out by Lisa for being a jerk to her... which also happened again this week. I have a penchant for unknowingly offending the people I love by either appearing to take them for granted... or by actually doing it. Frankly, I am always surprised by this when it happens because I can't imagine that someone would care that much about a lack of attention from me. Lisa just had a baby, and I couldn't be more thrilled for her and Nate.

When Brett was born six years ago, we were oblivious to the outside world. When I got the good news about baby Griffin, I was excited and anxious for Lisa, but didn't figure she'd give a shit whether I had anything to say about it or not. All of the cards and messages we'd gotten were nice and all, but I couldn't tell you who sent most of them or what they said. One thing I know for sure, though, is that Lisa sent us an awesome and very thoughtful care package. We always remembered that and we certainly wanted to repay that favor. We have prepared a care package, but part of it only just arrived, and now it's been almost a month, so we feel bad about not having sent it yet. Lisa, I'm sorry. I love you and I'm really thrilled about your growing family. Your care package is on the way, and I look forward to a play date sometime soon!

**Griffin (the Vikings player, not Lisa and Nate's son) and Sharper were also involved in another great Packers reception in the 3rd quarter, when they failed to beat the Jennerator to a 34-yard throw which led to Lee's TD two plays later. Thanks again, Darren!

K. C. Masterpiece

2007-11-11T00:34:00.000-06:00

Packers 33 - Chiefs 22

Last week, Favre won in Denver for the first time. This week, he beat the only team he hadn't beat so far in the NFL, so he's now joined Manning and Brady in that regard. Those two managed to reach that milestone last week, but actually, since there have definitely been games in which Favre has caused the Packers to beat themselves, I'd argue that Brett Favre is the only QB to have beaten all 32 teams in the NFL.

So there.

This game was a back-and-forth affair, and that actually made it fun. (Well, okay, it's much easier to say that when we win....) The difference of 11 in the final score is misleading. That's thanks in large part to Mr. Charles "Woody" Woodson, who came alive in the 4th quarter. He started with a huge 27-yard punt return, and ended with a 46-yard pick-6. In fact, in the last 3 minutes, we scored 17 points. The first in that chunk was a deep-middle 60-yarder to the Jennerator. Amazing. That was his second, actually (all he does is catch touchdowns). His first was on one of my favorite crossing pattern plays at the end of the 3rd quarter.

Favre had a couple of interceptions in this game, and one was quite controversial. At the end of the half, the guy who wanders around on the sidelines with a headset and a laminated play sheet (I'll call him "Oblio") made an odd choice. Favre had thrown an almost-lateral pass on 2nd-and-2, and Morency wisely made sure the ball went out of bounds... by kicking it (and thus I learned that in a game called "football" it is actually illegal to use your foot to do that!). At the start of that play, there were about 40 seconds left in the half. Five minutes later, I think, the zebras had finally resolved that the throw was not a lateral but an incomplete forward pass, and there would not be a 10-yard illegal kick penalty on Morency... but there would be a 5-yard delay-of-game penalty on him. I think it was the damned zebras who were delaying the game, TYVM! Anyway, after all of that, with 35 seconds left, Oblio said, "Hey, let's throw the ball instead of safely running for the first" (yes, I know, the one time we actually want him to call a run), and Favre threw a pick. That led to a KC TD, meaning instead of going into halftime up by 6, we were down by 1.

At least the defense kept the Chiefs from earning their own first down on our half of the field until late in the game. I love how the D is playing this year. They're a very cohesive group. They're playing the way Green Bay defenses played when there was an emotional veteran player like Reggie or LeRoy leading them. We just have a strong group of guys. Kampmann and Barnett are class, Hawk is coming on (he had a pick in this game), and KGB has even made a difference this year. They just need to make sure guys like Bigby can keep their game honest and they'll own the NFL.

This is the youngest team in the league. They're 7-1, on pace with the Cowboys... and when we play one another the week after Thanksgiving, it's possible we'd both only have one loss. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but that game might just be a preview of the NFC Championship game. We beat them, it's bring on the Patriots for a Super Bowl XXXI rematch!

Okay, mommy says I need to go take my pills now.

Monday Night Magic III

2007-11-04T08:41:00.001-06:00

Packers 19 - Broncos 13 (OT)

Man, the 'Brettrospectives' have really be flying around this season. FOX did one back in Week 4, when they had the Vikings game in which Favre was sure to crack Marino's TD record. Last week, it was ESPN showing all of his great moments from "MNF." Ah, memories.

In Monday night's game, Favre did not disappoint. He had two pass plays in this game that went for over 75 yards (has that ever happened?), and they both resulted in touchdowns. In fact, those two plays constituted 13 of the team's points, while the other six took the team 27 plays to earn! It was the last play of the game, though, that will be cemented in history as official 'Favre Monday night magic.' Greg Jennings -- originally dubbed on this blog as "The Jennerator" (so I have dibs once the merchandisers catch up, ahem) -- was on a double-go on the left side of the field, defended by Dré Bly. Favre threw a beautiful play action pass that dropped right into Jennings' arms. 82 yards later, we were going batshit crazy, yelling, hugging, and high-fiving in the basement (the kids somehow slept right through it), and the Packers were 6-for-6 in overtime games behind Brett Favre.

The first TD was a similar 79-yarder on the right side of the field to rookie Jimmy "JJ" Jones, who was being defended by Champ Bailey. All weekend long, those picking the game were going on and on about how Bly and Bailey were two of the best corners in the league. I think they probably are the best in the AFC. Favre's seen a lot of Bly over the years since he played for both the Rams and the Lions. Perhaps that helped, but there were tons of factors involved and many pieces that fell into place in order for that play to have succeeded the way it did. What a credit to Favre, Jones, and Jennings, though, that the two biggest offensive plays were against the two greatest players on the Broncos' roster.

Now, on the other side of the coin, we racked up a totally unacceptable number of penalties. For one thing, that led to points on the board for the Broncos, and for another, it kept us from scoring more points of our own. Denver's ability to march down the field was made possible in large part by our guys' stupid mistakes or poor choices. Atari Bigby made my blood boil; first, with an unnecessary roughness penalty and then a pass interference penalty, both on third downs in the Broncos' touchdown drive in the 1st quarter; next, on a stupid delay of game penalty in the 4th, when he kicked the ball in frustration; and finally, in one more interference call on the first play of the Broncos' last drive, when they were backed up on their own 7 yard line, and wound up tying the game. Bigby wasn't the only one at fault, though. After the 2:00 warning in the first half, we drove down to the Broncos' 1, but then false-started ourselves back to the 8 and had to kick a field goal.

Similarly, in one of the most unfortunate oddities of the game, at the beginning of the 2nd quarter, we had started a drive on our own 1 and made it all the way to the Broncos' 1, where we also had to settle for 3 points. How often do you see a 98-yard scoring drive wind up in only 3 points on the board?

But thanks to the one-play touchdown in overtime, we're 6-1, and Packers fans are enjoying a phenomenal (if back-and-forth and often heart-stopping) season.

An Open Letter to Terry McAulay

2007-10-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

Packers 17 - Redskins 14

Dear Mr. McAulay,

I am writing to express my outrage at you and your officiating crew's deplorable conduct at the NFL competition between the Washington Redskins and the Green Bay Packers on October 14th, 2007.

Officially, the Packers won this game by only three points. Had you done your job correctly, the final score would have had the Packers winning by a margin of at least 15 points. You took two touchdowns -- TWO -- off the board.

First, with 4:03 left in the first half, Green Bay was 2nd-and-17 on the Washington 23 when Brett Favre threw a deep pass down the middle to James Jones for a touchdown. You nullified that play, however, by enforcing a totally perplexing offensive holding penalty called on Mark Tauscher. How could it be that you let the Redskins defenders absolutely shut Aaron Kampmann and Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila down -- at least once with a clear shot of Kampmann's jersey being stretched as he ran by -- without a penalty, and then, out of the blue and with zero visual evidence, call Tauscher for holding? Tauscher? Really? Check it again, Mr. Magoo... er, McAulay.

Second, with 10:06 left in the game, after the Packers recovered a fumble inside the Washington 10 yard line, Green Bay had a 2nd-and-goal on the 8 when Favre threw a strike to Bubba Franks in the back right corner of the end zone. Fred Smoot forced him out of bounds. Franks caught the ball and was shoved out -- shoved. The duo on your team on that part of the field didn't even need to focus on his second foot being down. His first foot went down in bounds after the shove. It is my understanding that it's now possible to enforce a penalty on such a play... I believe it's called a "force out." You need to look it up to be sure -- do some research -- but I'm fairly certain that type of play in the end zone is exactly what that penalty is meant to combat.

I am aware that football fans are always at the ready to blame officiating crews when their team loses. Most of the time, though (admit it), you get away with one bad call against a team by peppering 'make-up' calls in their favor as the game progresses. And it is incredibly rare that a dunderhead call (or no-call) costs a team points. In this case, however, you managed to change the score by at least six points for one team not just once, but twice. I'll allow for the possibility that the first call against Tauscher was a make-up call in Washington's favor for a play earlier in the second quarter -- you allowed Charles Woodson to steal a ball from Santana Moss in what could be argued was a simultaneous possession play (which by rule should go to the offense). Even if we allowed you that one, though, I scoured the tape (which of course I legally made with the express written consent of both the National Football League and the Green Bay Packers) and could not find anything remotely deserving of a second touchdown denial.

In fact, there was even more unjust officiating which harmed the Packers, above and beyond the confounding ones detailed earlier. Greg Jennings got bumped off his route way beyond the five-yard mark, a flag was thrown for what was sure to be a good 45- to 50-yard penalty on Washington... and then the flag was picked up and the penalty was waved off. And here's another conundrum: If a defender, like, say, Charles Woodson, has a legitimate play on an errantly-thrown ball and the offensive receiver interferes with the defender's opportunity to catch the ball, should you or should you not call the defender for illegal contact? Feel free to check the tape, but I'll give you a hint: You should not. (Yet you did.)

Thank you for giving this letter and the countless others I'm sure you've received in the past couple of weeks their due merit. Someday soon, as you're hopefully enjoying an early retirement, I hope you'll take a moment to pen your own letter to the Packers and the crew at Lambeau Field, thanking them for allowing you the opportunity to learn so much about the game of football that day. Perhaps you will enjoy watching football just that much more, knowing that there are much better officiating crews keeping a watchful eye on the fields all around the country.

Sincerely,
Andy Stoffels
Oregon, Wisconsin

CC: Bruce Stritesky, Jim Mello, Mark Steinkerchner, Greg Gautreaux, Michael Banks, Steve Freeman, Roger Goodell

This game won't go down in history as a well-played match by both teams, of course. In fact, while the Pack had some absolutely phenomenal plays on both sides of the ball, the 'Skins easily had the most almost-plays in a game this season. Brett had his record-breaking interception in this game (so that wait is finally over), but if Washington's players could have actually caught a ball in this game, he might well have broken a different record -- for total interceptions in a game. In their defense, it was misting quite a bit, and they... oh, wait, they have an outdoor stadium. Never mind.

Going into the bye week, the Packers have a record of 5-1. This is the most fun I've had in a while. Next up: Monday Night Football from a mile up.

NOT Out-Coached

2007-10-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

Packers 20 - Bears 27

I've heard more than once this week that we lost the game to the Bears because we were out-coached. I wholeheartedly disagree with that assertion because it presumes that we were coached.

The last time we played Chicago, it was a night game, airing on NBC. Same thing this time. The last time we played Chicago, we marched on to the field, then down it, scoring on our opening possession. Same thing this time. The last time we played Chicago, Rex Grossman sucked so bad, his QB rating was zero, and Brian Griese played. Same thing this time. Well, okay, Rex didn't even play. But that's 'cuz he sucks. And that means he had no QB rating. So same as last time.

But we won last time.

This time, Oblio stopped us from winning. Yes, yes, turnovers made a difference. Jimmy Jones lost two balls when we were marching and certain to score. The awesome first half (damn, it felt good!) would have been even awesomer if we'd have had the chance to keep those drives alive. We could have headed into halftime with 31 points instead of 17 (or 27 or, I suppose, 23). But in the second half, we went into a cocoon. Some of the most perplexedly conservative play calls were perpetrated for no good reason, and we only wound up scoring 3 more points while letting the Bears tally up 20. Worse yet, clock management became an issue, and it was incredibly poorly executed.

One: With three-and-a-half minutes left in the game, tied up at 20, Chicago had a 3rd down with 4 to go. Kampman made a tackle damn close to the marker and it was ruled a 1st down. Oblio challenged the first down ruling instead of the spot of the ball. They changed the spot of the ball but still measured it across the 1st down marker, losing us timeout #1 and, three plays later, leading to a TD for Chicago.

Two: About thirty seconds to go, and we're marching. We get a first down at the Chicago 41, and Brett hits Morency with a short pass in the middle for 9. Brett was hurrying and telling Oblio not to call the timeout because he can, you know, spike the ball. Oblio called the timeout.

And after that, of course, we had to try the hail mary pass into the end zone. Favre had already given the ball directly to Urlacher "trying to make something out of nothing" in the 3rd quarter. (A play later, the Bears had moved up to within 3 and the turnaround had begun in ernest.) Now, on what would either be the penultimate or the ultimate play, he was throwing into triple coverage. Hope soared for a millisecond as Double-D had both of his mitts on the ball... but when the players landed, Brandon McGowan had mechanical advantage in his favor and was able to wrest the ball from Driver's arms. It left a sour taste in my mouth, to say the least. After all, it tied Favre with George Blanda's NFL record 277 career INTs. (At least Brett blew that out in record time -- he did it in ten fewer seasons than Blanda did!)

In the final analysis, I'm still thrilled we're 4-1. It just would have been much nicer to have had four games up on the Bears. Historically, that's been considered an insurmountable lead. I like the sound of that. Honestly, I like the sound of "the four and one Green Bay Packers," too.

Danny's in the Clear

2007-10-07T00:43:00.000-05:00

I can't help loving Danny Bonaduce. Sure, he's flawed as hell, but damn if he isn't also consistently funny.

I became a fan of Bonaduce's in the '90s when he had a show on The Loop 97.9 in Chicago. That was also the peak of Kevin Matthews' career, and both his and Danny's shows stuck (although their time slots moved) even after The Loop moved over to the AM dial. As it happened, that was excellent news for me, since I could pull in AM 1000 all the way from Fucking Monroe, whereas previously I could only catch Kevin in syndication and Danny in carefully-timed trips through Chicago on my way to the cottage.

The glory days soon ended (I'll take a stab and assume it was somehow related to ClearChannel, but I have no evidence to back that up and it's too late to surf Wikipedia for the answer now), and Danny moved on. I discovered a while later that he was doing a morning show in L.A. -- Jamie & Danny on Star 98.7. I streamed that show at work some mornings, and after I started work in Madison and had the opportunity to fly out to Pasadena I actually woke up to him on my hotel room clock radio. That brought me back. It was pretty surreal.

He had a daytime talk show for a while somewhere in there -- I think it was filmed in Chicago, so it was probably before his tenure at The Loop came to an end (Lisa can confirm, as I believe she and her sister attended at least one taping) -- and then there was "The Other Half," which was contrived, but -- again -- consistently enjoyable.

"Breaking Bonaduce" was the first exposure a lot of people had to Danny since "The Partridge Family" and, in it, he played a character. He's always playing some character. Anyway, due to the way the producers chose to focus the "story" as they filmed (originally, the show was going to just be called "Being Danny" but the cranberry-and-vodka slamming and the subsequent stint in rehab was way better TV, so the rest of his life made it only as far as the cutting room floor), there was quite an adverse reaction to his existence. We true fans have stayed true, though, and when I first saw the video from the Really Awards on Jimmy Kimmel's show, I was A) laughing my ass off and B) absolutely positive that i) charges would be filed and ii) Danny would be exonerated.

And so it has come to pass. If the earth-shattering news (well, it certainly shattered Danny's world) of his divorce from Gretchen brought listeners to Adam Carolla's show in droves, I can imagine this will have about the same effect. And if you know Danny, you know that he is therefore thrilled to have done his job. It's all about whoring himself out wherever he can so he can mention 97.1 FREE FM and the Adam Carolla Show. We're listening, Danny, and we love you!

4-0

2007-10-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

Packers 23 - Vikings 16

This may have been the first time I watched a game with the entire Weis clan since that great Monday night game against the Raiders near the magical end of the 2003 season. That was at our house. This one was at theirs -- in HD, baby.

What a way to watch Brett Favre set the record. #421 went to The Jennerator, who also caught #420. Late in the game, he threw another one to James Jones (his first in the NFL, and Brett's 43rd different TD receiver). The last six minutes of the game after that TD were still a little nerve-wracking. In four minutes, the Vikings, who are known more for not scoring touchdowns lately, pulled back up to within 7. For the second week in a row, though, Donald Driver caught the onside kick to preserve the lead. BUT WAIT! Two plays later, Ryan Grant missed the exchange on a running play and the Vikings recovered! After almost giving them another shot at the end zone, though, Atari Bigby -- whom I really enjoy watching -- picked off a deflected ball on the Packers' 24 to seal the win.

I've had my eye on Bigby since the preseason. Earlier in this game, he forced a fumble that Johnny Jolly picked up. That was the turnover that set Brett up for the 16-yard strike to Jennings. He actually left the game for a while after that with cramps (is that excusable in a dome?!), but came back with a vengeance to make sure the Pack left mini-noplace with a W.

Undefeated. =)

Way to go, Brett!

I'll Pay How I Want, TYVM

2007-09-29T11:43:00.000-05:00

Mastercard amuses me -- or used to, anyway. Visa pisses me off. Mastercard's whole "priceless" campaign has been fairly consistently clever. Well, lately, the Peyton Manning ads have grown tiresome. [Peyton Manning ads in general have grown tiresome. Are there products he doesn't endorse?] But they've had some of the more memorable -- and therefore effective -- commercials. Some are poignant, but most are humorous. The concept has been parodied on billboards, in sports stadiums, and even on the internet for years. Well done.

Then there's Visa's most recent slew of ads, in which they show a shiny, happy place of business where everything runs smoothly until some asshole comes along and has the nerve to pay with cash. Everyone in the place looks at him with a combination of scorn and horror. How dare he, right?

How fucking patronizing!

Hey, Visa? Bite me. If someone wants to pay with cash, don't make them look like an idiot. They're probably doing it because they recognize the value of a dollar and understand the concept that owing a credit card company money is a losing proposition. Yes, your commercials are for your debit cards, which aren't nearly as evil as credit cards are, but people watching the ads aren't focusing on that distinction.

I want someone to make a commercial like that in which everyone's in the 15-items-or-less line paying for their last-minute football-game-watching snacks with cash, looking at their watches and doing the hurry-up-dance. Then some prick yanks out his Visa to pay for a Zagnut and a Red Bull. Cut to the cashier rolling her eyes as she swipes the card and waits for the approval to come through and the dual receipt to print. As he waits for her to hand him the pen with the plastic pinwheel taped to it so he can sign the merchant's copy, the fans beat the living shit out of him. Death takes Visa.

Incidentally, not to piss on New Orleans' grave, but Visa's most recent ad that follows this concept is a double-failure, as the Saints now sit at 0-3 after making it all the way to the NFC Championship game last year. Last year was all about spirit. This year, it's kind of amazing how little they've been able to accomplish by contrast.

Fucks You, President Bush

2007-09-28T00:03:00.000-05:00

"...[C]hildrens do learn..."?!!?!!!

In a fucking speech about fucking edu-fucking-cation?

Know who's fucking edu-fucking-cation? You are, knuckle-fuck. You are.

420 in 240

2007-09-27T21:48:00.000-05:00

Packers 31 - Chargers 24

Dan Marino played 240 regular season games in the NFL, and he threw 420 TD passes in his career. On Sunday, Brett Favre played in his 240th consecutive regular season game and tied Marino's TD pass record. (Yeah, yeah, it took him two games longer to get there... whatever -- he's still playing next week, suckas.)

The NFL Network replayed the game Tuesday night, and I watched it all over again -- this time on satellite, with no static.

Personally, I'm thrilled that Greg Jennings caught #420 (on a slant!). Back in his opening game of the season after nursing a hamstring injury, he certainly showed no twinges of pain as he ran it 57 yards down the field with about two minutes left in the game. That was the first of two scores we'd have late in the game, thanks to Nick Barnett's heads-up play to intercept Philip Rivers. That would lead to a Brandon Jackson TD run. Yes, it would have been nice if Brett could've gotten #421 at home, but it'll be just that much sweeter in the Metrodome, where I'm hoping Donald Driver can quiet that lame-ass crowd of norse idiots (maybe on another slant!).

So the game also reintroduced us to three Packers staples:

The slant!
The screen
Bubba Franks dropping the ball in the end zone

Hey, two out of three ain't bad. Actually, replace #3 above with "The KGB sack." He had two on Sunday, bringing him to within two of Reggie White's record of 68.5 for the Pack. Double D has the receptions-at-Lambeau record outright now. And the most impressive record of the week? The Packers are the first team in NFL history to start 3-0 winning against teams that all reached the playoffs in the previous year.

Did you notice? This season is different somehow. I mean, yeah, we're undefeated, so that certainly feels a lot better than 1-2, but Brett seems to be doing the same kind of amazing things as he was doing in the late '90s... and his teammates know how to help him! It's especially amazing considering we have the youngest team in the NFL. Where did all of these young bucks learn how to let Brett Favre make them look so good? My theory is that they learned it by growing up watching Brett Favre play.

Anyway, I have this different attitude as I watch the games, too. I don't know if it's just that I'm appreciating every play a little bit more or what. I know that when one announcer said in the post-game analysis on Sunday that, "Without Brett Favre, the Packers would not have won either of their last two games" by exclaiming at the TV, "But we DO HAVE Brett Favre!" Isn't that the point?

BTW, I noticed that, in the Texans game, Samkon Gado got a touchdown and Ahman Green left the game in the second quarter with a recurring knee injury.

But, all in all, despite Oblio's strange play calling from the sideline, the Packers came out victorious against Dave Barry's Chargers.

What a Wynn!

2007-09-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

Packers 35 - Giants 13

I couldn't resist. Actually, Wynn's two TDs were just icing around Brett's three touchdown passes. I mean, I'm not quite ready to say "Ahman who?" just yet -- one 38-yard run to ice the game was about the only bright spot from the rushing standpoint. Luckily, Favre and the offense showed up in the second half. Brett was 18/21 for 147 yards in that half, completing the first 14 in a row. Exciting as hell to watch.

His three TDs in this game brought him to 417 (three away from Marino's record), and the win was his 149th, making him the all-time winningest QB in NFL history. While I'm certainly guilty of keeping close tabs on all of "his" records, even Brett admits that last one's not exactly as meaningful as it might seem:

I think it's unfair that the quarterback gets labeled with wins and losses. I think it's a team effort.

For my money, that's in the same vein as the "interception" that comes off another player's hands. I say that shouldn't count against the QB, so, for consistency's sake, I should probably also say the QB shouldn't be the only one given credit for his team's wins. But come on. It's Brett Favre!

Special teams were good again last weekend. It's plays like the forced fumble in our fourth quarter kickoff that makes differences in games. If we can count on 3-7 points per game off of special teams, we're in great shape.

Incidentally, these two wins to start the season means we won't be 1-4 this year!!! This is the first time we've started 2-0 since 2001. Actually, it means we've won our last six games in a row. Cool.

In other news, Bubba Franks returned. He caught his first TD pass since October of 2005. In fact, between him and Donald Lee, I think the tight ends were involved more in this game than they were in all of our games last year!

Oh, and that Mason Crosby kid is a total bust. What a loser. We should have kept Rayner.

I Almost Forgot

2007-09-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

One of the best parts of Sunday's game showcased what we all love about Brett Favre (well, perhaps everyone except Eagles fans). The NYT wrote it up well:

For Favre and Packers, an Ugly Win Is Still a Win - New York Times:
The Eagles’ pass rush forced Favre to improvise, and his shining moment occurred during the third quarter, facing third-and-10. With a defender hanging on his leg, and other Eagles closing in for a potential sack, Favre deftly shoveled an underhand pass to DeShawn Wynn, who gained 18 yards to keep a drive alive, leading to a field goal. Asked about that play, Eagles safety Brian Dawkins complimented Favre. “A quarterback with not that much moxie would not complete that pass,” Dawkins said. “He’d have just taken the sack and gone down. But Brett has been there for so long, and he’s that gunslinger and he’s going to take those chances.”

I had toyed with calling the last post "What a Wynn!" but I am growing tired of pun-based post titles. Of course, having decided against that title, I forgot to mention it altogether.

A couple of plays later, Favre escaped another sack (to Philly's credit, they did get to Favre successfully four times) and completed a six-yarder to Donald Lee. Has Favre aged? Of course. Is he the most reliable 4th-quarter comeback QB he was a decade ago? Not so much. But do I want the ball in his hands any less now than I did ten -- or even 16 -- years ago? Nope. Magic.

Undefeated!

2007-09-13T22:56:00.000-05:00

Packers 16 - Eagles 13

I'm hopeful that this victory will be a sign that this will be a year in which any last-second field goals will fall in our favor. Mason Crosby quickly became famous this week, thanks to literally kicking off his career as a Packer by booting a 53-yarder through the uprights to put the team up ten to zip in the first quarter... and then, oh, by the way, kicking a 42-yarder through with two seconds left to win the game. The last rookie kicker to win a game like that for the Pack? Same as the last Packer to boot a 53-yarder on opening day: A guy named Chris Jacke. In the end, yes, Crosby's just a kicker, and I'm sure I'll have a vitriolic rant about him on this blog eventually, but for now it's nice that he was able to lead us off with a victory the way he did.

The offense struggled in this game. The defense played solidly, although there's still room for them to improve -- the Philly offense should not have been allowed to catch back up to us by the end of the first half. The play by special teams was inspired. Over the past couple of seasons, I've lamented that we had no "x-factor" like we had in the late '90s. Our defense was amazing then -- and defense really does win championships -- but we also had Desmond Howard running kicks back into the end zone every once in a while. Last year, the Bears got to the Super Bowl, thanks in no small part to Devon Hester. Meanwhile, our average starting field position was probably at, like, the 15. We didn't run anything back on Sunday, but we did apparently scare the bejeezus out of their returners enough to make a difference. The first score of the season was a muff recovery in the end zone (thanks, Atari!). If that's an sign of things to come, I'm reading.

To make up for lost time, I expect Brett to throw at least four TD passes (and run one in -- why not?) this weekend at the Giants' place. In the meantime, Brett did reach his first milestone of the season in Game #1, tying John Elway with his 148th career win. Donald Driver also tied an important record on Sunday. He and Antonio Freeman both have 213 catches at Lambeau.

Beating the Eagles was huge. We haven't done that in a long time. Winning our home opener was equally as huge. It's been too long on that, too. Our contain was good on Brian Westbrook, and our pressure on McNabb was appropriately persistent. The only really weird trend I noticed in this game, which I hope was just an opening day fluke, was that it seemed to take us far too long to get the ball snapped and start the play. We had, I think, one delay-of-game penalty, but there was also one no-call I noticed, and otherwise it seemed we were snapping the ball with :01 on the clock with alarming frequency. We'll see if New York time is any different. Hope so.

Short version: I wish Rayner all the best (I guess), but we chose wisely with Crosby.

NFL Eve Three-Fer: Packers Preseason

2007-09-08T23:47:00.000-05:00

[Preseason]
Packers 48 - Seahawks 13

I've come to love games against Seattle. I'm not a Holmgren hater -- far from it -- but there is something... special about watching him fume and turn crimson on the sideline. In this case, we had some especially good standout defensive plays that contributed to a solid victory (with a lot of scoring). Our second-stringers played another great game. Perhaps it was just a little unfair to Holmgren's blood pressure when we continued to blitz/sack late in the game. The only bad thing about this game was that I had to 'watch' it on my computer. (Thank you, NFL Network and DirecTV+DVR, for making it possible for me to watch the full game after the fact!)

[Preseason]
Packers 13 - Jaguars 21

Despite the score, this was a balanced game... and essentially one that we won. Preseason is the only time I can walk away satisfied [read: not fuming and turning crimson] with a loss. The starters played longer than in any of the other preseason games, and they seemed pretty cohesive. The second quarter was awesome. In the most memorable scoring drive, Brett passed on almost every down, spreading the ball around to at least six different receivers. Sweet. Rogers came in and played well again after that. The scariest moment was when Driver shook a tackler, gained a few more yards, but then ended up getting his ankle rolled. He went back to the locker room on a cart, which never looks good. [It was a sprained foot; the good news is that Driver's probable for tomorrow... the bad news is that the Jennerator is questionable with a bad hammy.]

[Preseason]
Packers 14 - Titans 30

We just can't ever beat the Titans. This game was pretty uneventful. Starters didn't play for more than a few minutes. The first-team D held Tennessee to a three-and-out and then called it a day. Brett got a TD pass. Some other stuff happened, too, I think. I left early and went to karaoke, then watched the rest of the game a few days later.

The season actually already kicked off on Thursday night, but what matters begins tomorrow. In just twelve more hours, the Pack is back once more! Let's rally, people!!!

Second String Victory

2007-08-11T21:47:00.000-05:00

[Preseason]

Packers 13 - Steelers 9

Cullen Jenkins had two big plays -- put me in mind of his performance in a certain game I attended last year, in fact -- and Aaron Rodgers played one of the best games I've seen him play. Oh, and Crosby smacked a 52-yarder through the goal posts, which I suppose qualifies as somewhat exciting -- although only as much as a kick in a worthless game can be.

In short, from this first preseason game, 1) the D-line looks good, and 2) we have Brett Favre (although, at 2-of-7 for 7 yards in four three-and-outs, he was a non-issue in this game). The O-line seemed strong tonight, but it was a tough read, so I'm not yet willing to commit on that impression. The secondary, though, still seems to think it's okay to let things happen all around them 20+ yards down the field. If Oblio doesn't address that somehow right now, that's what's going to give me fits. Special Teams can always stand to improve, too. Any time, Coach. Any time.

29 days left!

Wise Beyond His Years

2007-06-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

When people ask me whether I regret leaving teaching, I answer them honestly. I don't regret it because it was going to kill me -- the negatives from all of the red tape and politics I faced far outweighed the positives -- but yes, I miss the kids. 8th grade was just about perfect for me (but the irony was that the bastards in the district office acted a lot less mature and they're the ones who had me tearing my hair out!).

Educators I tell this to know exactly where I'm coming from. Others I tell (those from outside the didactic realm) usually react funnily -- like, 8th graders?! You cannot be serious. Yes, trust me, I am. And every once in a while, stories like this showcase exactly what it is I miss. This 13-year-old solved a problem. When he saw an injustice, he didn't bitch and moan about it on his blog or write an article for an un-sponsored underground newspaper to start some grass-roots push for change (both things I, as an English teacher, would have strongly encouraged my students to do), he applied true wisdom to the situation. He thought like his enemy and created something to which they could relate -- something in their 'language' (where would this world be without PowerPoint?). Of course they acquiesced.

My point is that all kids possess true wisdom like this. We just rarely have teachers who are allowed to creatively nurture it out of them. That's not a dig on teachers. The key word in that sentence is "allowed."

Think about that while I top off the Grey Goose in my water bottle. (See? True wisdom.)

Weather Geek Time

2007-06-07T10:50:00.000-05:00

As this is destined to be -- by all local weather reports -- my last day here on this earth, I thought I'd blog about the impending destruction that will ultimately lead to my demise (and to the demise of countless loved ones).

Here's where we stand at just before 11am:

This is courtesy of the Storm Prediction Center. See the middle of that scary HIGH circle? Yeah, that's us.

Here's The Weather Channel's US Thunderstorm Forecast map as of about an hour ago:

I've Google Bookmarked those two pages with the tag 'severe_weather.' I leave them open in their own Firefox tabs and auto-refresh them periodically on days like this.

Oh, yes. Yes, I am a geek.

UPDATE #1

The first watch is out.

...and, as I update, the second.

UPDATE #2 (Storm report count: 3)

Note how the convective outlook has been updated.

More concentrated now, tightening the noose on Central Wisconsin.

UPDATE #3 (Storm report count: 18)

Another watch extends further to the south now.

The line entering WI is looking ripe. Eau Claire and La Crosse are getting whomped as I write this.

UPDATE #4 (Storm report count: 22)

Here's the bad news: By all reports, this appears to only be the beginning. Wave 1 is what's doing the whomping at the moment. Wave 2 is what is apparently getting organized back to the west. Here's the overnight prediction, according to TWC:

UPDATE #5 (Storm report count: 27)

Okay, now it's our turn.

UPDATE #6 (Storm report count: 47)

Well, now it's just plain ugly-looking.

It's been so cloudy here all afternoon, I don't think things have destabilized nearly as much as the liberal media and/or the Bush administration was leading us to believe it would. North and west of us, they're getting the brunt of it. I haven't even heard a clap of thunder here yet. The wind's sure been kicking up an awful fuss, though.

UPDATE #7 (Storm report count: 79)

It's nearly over now....

UPDATE #8 (Storm report count: 152)

Yawn. Still here. What a total bust.

So that proves it. My taking the time to document the certainty of our doom preempted it. You fuckers all owe me.

Homer: "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Facts, shmacts."

What's the Deal with Dead Guys in Big Glasses?

2007-06-01T00:26:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I didn't find out for almost an entire week that Charles Nelson Reilly died. I love watching old "Match Game" episodes on GSN. That kind of let's-all-just-use-this-as-an-excuse-to-get-liquored-up-and-make-poorly-veiled-sex-jokes game show just doesn't exist any more, and that makes me sad. Even when they tried to bring back "Match Game" in the '90s it sucked. It was too transparent in its attempts to modernize. It came across as blatant shoehorning, with disastrous results. (Sally "doyouwannamakemoremoney?" Struthers, I'm looking at you.) Now game shows are all either too formulaic -- some competition with three judges; one flippant British guy, one woman, and one Hollywoodian everyman -- or too much like reality shows.

Don't get me wrong. I'm watching just about all of them. I'm just saying.

I mean, it wasn't bad enough that Penn Jillette's radio show got yanked... they had to take away his "Identity," too?! Sheesh. Can't a Libertarian Atheist catch a break?!?

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. That Paula Abdul is one crazy drunk. Or was that The Hoff?

Ringing Endorsement

2007-05-14T12:06:00.000-05:00

I'm just getting back to life, so I'm only just hearing about the Favre does-he-want-to-be-traded fiasco from this past weekend. In short, he doesn't.

Key optimistic phrase:

'...I think we can be pretty good.'

Oh, excellent.

April Woots Day

2007-04-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

Last night at midnight, I dutifully checked Woot! as I do every night. Sometimes the deals are really just too good to pass up (last weekend, we picked up a new Dyson for $300), and other times, they're just crap. Because we are all the internet shopping lemmings that we are, in fact, it stands to reason that their most popular nights are when they offer "Random Crap" (a.k.a. a Bag of Crap, or BOC). Usually, they sell out in minutes and then the more cranially-challenged nerds spend the majority of the day bitching in the comment boards about not getting in on the sale fast enough.

Last night was one of the best woots ever: An April Fools Day Bag of Crap sale. Click:
1. 2.

Yes, I attempted to buy at that price. I could always dispute it if it went through... and the credit report ramifications would have been fascinating. Anyway, I lurked in the forums for a little while to see how others were reacting. It was all a nice joke, and I went to bed 90% satisfied that at least I hadn't missed out on anything.

I woke up today to realize I should have paid more attention to the 10%:
3.

I realized that there was indeed a trick, and that, despite my having clicked on the image of the bag and seeing this, I didn't think to try to use PLEASE as a discount code on the order. Those that did got a $1,000,000 discount. Oh, well.

Google had their annual fun today, too, with 1) a press release announcing sewer-based free internet and 2) a Gmail roll-out of paper-based email.

I used to try to fool people on April Fools. My favorite scheme was when I 'fell down the stairs' at the cottage, slamming into the door at the bottom after what I thought was a well-executed, noisy descent, only to hear my mom call calmly from the other side of the door: "April Fools, Andrew."

It Was a Good Run

2007-03-18T13:07:00.000-05:00

I think it's safe to say that few who know me would nominate me for Parent of the Year.

Last week marked the last time that "The Simpsons" will be on at our house while the kids are awake... at least until they're in, oh, maybe middle school. It's too bad, too, because it was always a fun 'Daddy activity' with the kids -- when Mommy had a Pampered Chef show and had to be out of the house by 6pm on a weekday, channel 47 went on and we got to watch an hour's worth together. (Otherwise, it's "Mommy's news.") Before AJ was born, we used to watch it every night. Brett used to come running from whatever part of the house he was in as soon as he heard that angelic music at the head of the show's opening, yelling, "Simpsons on!" After Lexie saw that once or twice, of course, she was appropriately aping him, so that's always been a fun time of night.

I always knew that the time would come when Brett would become a bit too impressionable to continue that tradition, but I assumed it would end because he would speak or behave badly in public -- perhaps suggest to an authority figure that (s)he should eat his shorts -- like Bart. In reality, what happened was a bit worse and more guilt-inducing. During an episode from season 16 -- "Mobile Homer" (#GABF07) [LEARN] [WATCH] -- Homer repeatedly gets injured. I noticed that Brett wasn't laughing too much during those scenes, so I made an extra effort to laugh myself and to not-so-subtly remind both of the kids that it was all just pretend.

Cut to 4:30am that night, when I hear Brett calling for "Daddy!" from his bedroom. He had a nightmare about my getting caught under our garage door and spiders crawling out of my mouth. Nice job, huh?

Batman Flees

2007-03-04T22:32:00.000-06:00

Discarded title for this post:
We Have a Problem: Houston.

When Gimli was asked to leave Green Bay, I wonder if the guys in the front office knew he planned on just rebuilding the Packers in Houston. Free agent Ahman Green made his decision this afternoon to leave the Packers for the Texans.

*picks jaw up off of floor*

Yes, it's true. Despite already having Ron Dayne and Samkon Gado on their roster, the Texans apparently saw a need to fill a wide receiver position. This should shake up our draft decisions somewhat. At least one would hope so.

I should have seen coming a mile away -- as soon as we were all focused on Brett, Ahman ran to find some love. ...Actually, no. That makes no sense. If he was feeling left out or second-fiddle, then Houston would not have been his answer. Dammit. I can't even find a good excuse to make myself feel better about this.

Super Sunday!

2007-02-04T13:26:00.000-06:00

Colts vs. Bears? Yah, I'll be watching this one for the commercials. Last year, it was easy to root for the Steelers; they were the underdogs playing against Matt Hasselbeck and the team Mike Holmgren left Green Bay to coach. This year, we can celebrate Black History Month watching two black head coaches lead their teams in the ultimate game of the season. I'm not rooting for the Bears, despite their being the underdogs in this game -- and I think the intermittent rain in Miami all day today actually gives them a bit of an advantage. I would prefer a Colts win, but I really don't love Peyton Manning like I've been told I'm supposed to. Okay, he studies the game. We get it. Congrats. But he is a whiner and a pouter. I'm so sick of his body language after a failed play. It's like he non-verbally places blame on anyone but himself. I do have a lot of respect for Marvin Harrison, though, so that will probably help a little today.

Know who has class as a quarterback? Here's a hint:

Since his announcement on Friday morning, Favre has been both lauded and derided in the sports media. There are actually a few idiots claiming he is doing this for a) the money or b) the records. That's absolute bullshit, and anyone who actually expresses that opinion knows nothing about football. I'll tell you what they do know (and why they're really whining): Brett Favre is not a good fantasy football pick. His numbers are all over the map. Yes, he'll continue getting the money, and yes, he'll continue getting the records... both the good and the bad. He'll have more interceptions than any other QB pretty quickly next season, for instance. I've said it before, and I'm afraid I'll be saying it a lot more: Fantasy football is ruining the NFL. This is just one more reason.

I'm already looking forward to next Super Sunday. The chances that Brett and the Pack will be there in Arizona are much greater than the chances that they'll make it to this year's Super Bowl.

My prediction for today's game: Colts by 4, 21-17, with no offensive TDs by the Bears.
My fantasy: Colts 3, Chicago 0 in double-overtime.

(See? Fantasy football ruins everything.)

ThePayoff Returns

2007-01-31T00:20:00.000-06:00

Back in the dotcom bubble of the mid- to late-'90s, I had a website called "ThePayoff" that was a collection of my referral links to the greatest get-paid-to-surf sites, along with tutorials showing how they worked and lists of features of and comparisons among each. The leader of the pack back then was AllAdvantage, and I made some money off of them -- I remember one $17 check in particular. It wasn't the only one out there by any stretch of the imagination (I think I was signed up for 22 similar programs at one point), but it was the most popular and perhaps the easiest to 'sell' to friends and family. Well, as easy as any pyramid scheme is to sell to friends and family.

Late last year, a couple of the AllAdvantage guys got together with a bunch of business students from Stanford and decided to get back into the GPTS business. And so we have AGLOCO, the unfortunately-named (think "A GLObal COmmunity") AllAdvantage for the new millennium. Yes, it's still basically a pyramid, and yes the concept is still "you install and run an adbar while you're online and we'll pass 90% of our advertisers' money directly on to you and your team." This time, though, they won't pay us before they get paid themselves (lesson learned), and they won't let your downline grow to infinity -- they'll stop counting our referrals five levels down. Still, that's plenty.

I write all this to say, of course, if you read this blog, please sign up for AGLOCO under me... but also, to report that I just got my first referral the other day. I haven't even done much recruiting -- who has the time? -- but it's nice to watch one of my downlines growing again. It reminds me of my life a decade ago, as ThePayoff.

Ten Years

2007-01-26T23:13:00.000-06:00

Packers 35 - Patriots 21

Ten years ago right now, I was the happiest I can recall ever being as a single grown-up. We were on the snowy streets and in and out of the bars of downtown Green Bay, cavorting and reveling in the wake of the Packers' first Super Bowl victory in 29 years.

Of course, it was also their last. But I'd prefer to focus on the positive here.

I hope I'll always remember the feeling I had that night -- that whole season. The moment that is indelible in my memory came just as we arrived downtown about 30 minutes after the game. We stopped about six or eight blocks away from the center of town at an ATM machine. There was no traffic, but there was still a wonderful noise emanating from the city. We stopped and listened for a couple of minutes because it was such a joyful noise. It was almost eerie. Green Bay was alive with the sound of cheering. Thousands of fans were out on the streets shouting at the tops of their lungs. It was a little muffled from where we were, partly because of the distance, partly because of the temperature, and partly because of the snow. That combination of factors made for a sensation that I can't imagine ever being able to experience again. I'm not depressed by that; I'm thrilled that I got to experience it and I hope I'll never forget it.

But here's hoping I won't need to wait 19 more years for the next chance.

The End?

2006-12-31T22:11:00.000-06:00

Packers 26 - Bears 7

For the last several minutes of the game, Brett was shaking a lot of hands and hugging a lot of people on the field and on the sideline. As he came off the field after the last first down inside two minutes (handing things over to Ingle Martin for the last three plays deep in Bears territory), Donald Driver picked him up for a fireman's carry.

When NBC came back from commercial after the final gun, Favre was taking a picture with his offensive line.

When they came back from the second commercial, Andrea Kremer had him for an interview and asked him if all of that stuff was any indication of his plans for the future. Brett said, "If it is my last game, I want to remember it." Then he broke down. "It's tough. It's tough," he said, repeating the feelings of this fan, among others. He promised to let the world know yea or nay on whether he'll be back within a couple of weeks. Honestly, at this point, I am willing to wait until April again. So many things in my mind were pointing to reasons for him to come back. Seeing and hearing that interview, for the first time -- honestly -- I had doubts about it.

I'm going to go back and forth on this tons of times in the days leading up to Favre's official press conference... just like he will. I'm thrilled with the way this game turned out and kind of exhausted, so I'll save going over all the ifs, ands, and buts here for now. Stay tuned, as I may need the therapy later.

So, whether or not it was Favre's last game ever, it was at least his last game of the season. As expected, not all eight games we needed to go our way went our way. In fact, only three of the eight did; the Buccaneers cooperated by losing to the Seahawks, the 49ers somehow beat the Broncos, and -- in one of the most shockingly exciting games of the day -- the Lions bested the Cowboys.

But the Packers came to play. We had something to prove after getting shut out at home by the Bears in the season opener. The first half certainly helped to exorcise those demons. We shut them out, and it wasn't because they rested their first-stringers. They brought their playmakers, and we outplayed them. Even when they did stop us, we didn't fall down. Favre got picked off by Nate Vasher (when Ruvell Martin failed to execute the correct pattern on an audible), but five plays later, defensive player-of-the-game Nick Collins picked Grossman off and ran it back 55 yards for a TD. That was the second of the game. The first came at the end of the opening drive, a 75-yard march featuring a couple of nice third down plays and a couple of nice completions to Carlyle Holiday. Best of all, the TD was a nine-yard Favre-to-Driver completion. (A year ago, the last TD pass of the season was to Antonio Chatman.)

The other two Packers TDs were defensive in nature. My only complaint, with Brett needing seven more TD passes to pass Marino for most ever, was that Rex Grossman had more passes for Packers touchdowns than Brett did. And when Brian Griese came in in the second half, it seemed like we would be able to shut the Bears out and pay them back the favor they did us. Unfortunately, he threw a 75-yard TD pass in the 3rd quarter, so we couldn't quite deliver... but we did make Grossman leave with a QB rating of (wait for it...) 0.0. That'll do. A month ago, Bears fans were pissed even though their team had just clinched the NFC North title with a win against the Viqueens because Grossman posted a QB rating of 1.3. By my math, his rating tonight was roughly 1.3 lower than that. If you're wondering how one could reach that magic non-number, it apparently takes a combination of stats like "2 for 12," "three interceptions," and "lost fumble."

The worst I can come up with from our end is that David Rayner remained un-count-onable. He missed the PAT after the Collins run-back (doinked off of the left upright) and, later, a 32-yard
gimme went wide left, too.

Otherwise, I was only a teensy bit disappointed by the absence of 'The Jennerator.' I had predicted a big game for him tonight -- he needed one, as he had become stagnant in the latter half of the season. I can't fault him for not being there tonight, though. His wife gave birth today.

So, is it the end? Yes. Yes, it is. It is the end of 2006. Welcome 2007, and let's hope for Brett to return for another great season, surrounded by talented players. In the short term, Packers fans can always hop on another bandwagon for a month or so. The NFL website has made it easy for those of us supporting one of the twenty teams sitting on the sidelines for the playoffs: Go to http://playoffs.nfl.com/bandwagon/ for a tongue-in-cheek five-question quiz to help you pick a winner to support. I'm completely screwed; I ran through it twice last week and was told first to support the Broncos and then the Bengals. Now what?

Go Bolts!

Giant Win

2006-12-31T11:12:00.000-06:00

Well, way to go, Tiki.

In a game that could well have been his last, Tiki Barber was a hero. He had about 1200 yards and seventeen TDs (I think -- those numbers might not be exactly right) last night, leading the New York (football) Giants to a victory that puts them at 8-8 on the season.

Now, if we win tonight, that puts us at 8-8, too... but, see, here's the thing. The tie-breaking procedures for the playoffs look to something called 'strength of victory' to see who goes and who stays home. The amazing part is that, by virtue of that concept, the Packers could still clinch the 6th seed in the NFC and therefore a Wild Card game... but we need "some help."

[Sorry, give me a minute -- I'm laughing too hard to type this all out.]

Here's who has to win (besides us):

Cardinals
Lions
Dolphins
Vikings
49ers

Just to clarify, all of them have to win this afternoon.

Oh, and wait... also ALL of the following teams HAVE to lose:

Panthers
Texans
Buccaneers

Yet (yet!), with all that, don't expect that I won't be tuning in to NBC for tonight's game. It'll be a Happy New Year with Brett and Donald and Ahman on TV.

And I am promising here and now that, if all that has to happen happens and we do get in, I will be doing the following:

Buying a PowerBall ticket (with the PowerBall, of course, being 4)
Giving up all my vices -- the scotch will all go down the drain, I promise
Acquiring a new Packers hat
Eating it

That is all.

Flex Me Up!

2006-12-26T07:24:00.000-06:00

By the time Santa crammed his butt down our stovepipe, we were in 7th place in the NFC standings. Only the first six matter, though, of course. However, we're down to just three things we need to have happen in order to jump up to #6 and make the playoffs:

We beat the Bears on Sunday*
The Giants lose to the Redskins in Washington on Saturday night
The Rams lose to the Viqueens in Minnesota on Sunday

So when the sun rises on Sunday, we'll know if we're down to just needing two things to happen or if we're out of it altogether.

*The NFL has potentially made it a bit more interesting; The Packers/Bears game has been moved and will now be played as the final Sunday night game of the season. In fact, as there's no Monday night game, it will be the final game of the 2006 season as a whole. Perhaps Roger Goodell has some presentimental feelings about the way this will all shake out... or perhaps we're just being allowed a final chance to lay an egg in the blinding national spotlight. Who knows?

Either way, I know I'll be tuning in to find out!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2006-12-24T14:44:00.000-06:00

Packers 9 - Vikings 7

This Thursday night NFL Network game was saturated with the 'story' that it quite possibly could have been Brett Favre's last home game. Now, last year I was at (what, at the time, was) quite possibly his last home game, so I missed what the doofuses in the studio were saying, but I would have a very hard time believing it was brought up more than it was by the NFL Network crew. Guys, we got it, okay?

At last year's Seahawks game, Brett was certainly aware of it. His final waves on the field made that clear. He did the same kind of thing this time, too. He made sure he hung on to the game ball after the last snap. I'm sure he gave it to someone for safekeeping should it turn out that he does call it a career this off-season. Honestly, though, I'd still be pretty surprised (I'm not saying disappointed -- I would be, of course, but I'm saying I'd be surprised) if he decided to hang it up now.

This game was exciting to watch; the first half from an offensive standpoint, and the second half from the defensive side. Brett threw the ball about 50 times in this game, with more pass attempts in the first half than in any first half he's ever played. He also had his 5,000th completion -- the last catch of the game, in fact, even though it was called back. Once we were in the red zone, though, forget it; we just couldn't get the ball in the end zone. 3/5 on field goal attempts won this for us.

There was plenty that went on in the game for me to recap here, but honestly it's hard not to keep up with the playoff scenarios. Turns out Sorgi was wrong, so here's the scoop:

Packers win out, Falcons finish 8-8, Giants and Rams fall to 7-9, Seattle wins NFC West

1) Green Bay Packers

- (Wk 17) beat Chicago

AND

2) New York Giants (one game back AND would lose common games tiebreaker)

- (Wk 16) lose to New Orleans AND

- (Wk 17) lose to Washington

AND

3) Atlanta Falcons (one game back)

- (Wk 16) lose to Carolina OR

- (Wk 17) lose to Philadelphia

AND

4) St. Louis Rams (lost head to head)

- (Wk 16) lose to Washington OR

- (Wk 17) lose to Minnesota

AND

5) EITHER

Seattle Seahawks (lost head to head, need SEA to win division title in scenario)

- (Wk 16) beat San Diego OR

- (Wk 17) beat Tampa Bay

OR

San Francisco (avoid winning division)

- (Wk 16) lose to Arizona OR

- (Wk 17) lose to Denver

Santa is a Packers fan, of course, and as he has been trekking across the globe already today, he's apparently been keeping in touch with his NFeLves via satphone. At this minute, the Saints are up over the Giants and the Redskins are tied with the Rams in the 4th quarters of their games. The Falcons already lost. A Giants loss is obviously the most imperative at the moment, but it'd be nice to scratch three off the list today.

There's still another game for us to worry about, though, of course. The Bears have come back and regained the lead against the Lions. They're up by 5. If they win this, I'm all for Lovie just throwing in his fourth-stringers... or maybe even just forfeiting next week's game altogether to keep his guys healthy. Knowing Lovie's hate for the Packers, though, I'm not holding my breath.

A W's a W

2006-12-20T22:09:00.000-06:00

Packers 17 - Lions 9

The streak continues. I was doing some math on the way back from Lambeau. I'm pretty sure this was my 13th Packers game (lucky #13!), and I have only ever witnessed one loss in person up at the Tundra. And that loss was eased by the fact that we actually backed into the playoffs on the same day. This win was tempered by the fact that it was only our third home victory in over a year. How times have changed.

And I mean changed. Brett Favre's QB rating was below the game-time temperature, which was 40°. He also turned the ball over twice inside the 20; we've now done that ten times this season. And while he didn't have any TD passes (Vernand Morency had two rushing TDs -- one right in front of us with a Lambeau Leap in the 4th quarter -- but dammit), he did complete his 4,968th pass, surpassing Dan Marino's record with a 21-yard pass to Carlyle Holiday* near the end of the first half. Later in the game (during one of the sixty-seven TV time outs), I saw him talking with Ed Hochuli for a bit and we wondered what they were saying. Later, in his post-game press conference, Brett said this:

Ed Hochuli congratulated me out there, and I told him, 'I have no idea what you're congratulating me for, but thank you.'

I was hoping he was giving Hochuli shit for his poor instant replay call which negated a long completion to Donald Driver on a crucial third down play. Guess not. And so much for keeping the penalties to a minimum like last week, when we had just two for 10 yards. This time, we had nine for 69. Yeesh.

Favre didn't play all that well, of course, but his receivers weren't exactly looking the ball into their hands much, either. I counted about ten incomplete passes that were all on the receivers. One was a sure TD to David Martin on the goal line when we were down 3-0. That one lost us four points. Luckily, despite turning the ball over four times, we only allowed the Lions to score a total of 3 points off of them. That's a pretty good average.

There was other stuff that falls under the Pretty Good category. Our defense was really quite stellar (albeit against a pretty stagnant team). I isoed on Cullen Jenkins at several points during the game, and he was amazing. Easily the MVP of the game. (Morency was worthy, but, for this game, I couldn't give it to an offensive player and feel good about myself.) He tallied up three sacks (we had six total, which is two more than what we've had in the last four games combined) and got a fumble recovery. KGB missed a start for him, and I'd say Jenkins earned it. Al Harris did a good job keeping Roy Williams quiet, too. And whenever we can keep a team entirely out of the end zone, that's certainly a good thing. The last defensive series had the Lions backed up in our end zone, and we got loud. The 'D' really stepped up. That was pretty amazing.

Finally, expanding on what I wrote at the end of my post on the 49ers game, we are indeed still officially in the playoff picture. On the way home, Jay Sorgi ran through the scenarios on the Packers Radio Network. It's a shitload of 'if's, but here's the result of his detailed research:

Part one: The Packers win out.

They have games against Minnesota Thursday and at Chicago on New Years' Eve. Since the Bears have no playoff positioning to play for, two wins are possible.

Part two: The Falcons and either the Giants or Eagles each suffer some losses, and go 8-8.

If those things happen, there's a possibility that as many as seven teams could finish 8-8. Those are [the Falcons, Panthers, Giants, Eagles, Rams, and 49ers].

If all that happens, it then goes to the NFL tiebreaking computer for the final wildcard spots.

What the NFL does is first eliminate teams from the same division... so you only have one team from each of the four divisions. If that happens, and the four teams turn out to be the Packers, [Panthers, Eagles, and 49ers], the Eagles get the final spot.

If that doesn't occur, then the NFL uses conference record to break the tie.

[The Falcons, Panthers, Rams, and 49ers] would each finish 6-6 in the conference.

The Packers would end up 7-5, and so would the Eagles and Giants.

So then it could again be up to seven teams with it coming down to common opponents or even strength of victory... and with the Packers defeating the Bears, there's a really good chance they'd win the final wildcard slot.

Now let me add this to it.... Say it's just a couple teams tied at 8-8... the Packers and any one of those other six teams. It comes down to head to head. If it's the Rams or Eagles, it's not so good, because the Packers lost to them.

If it's [the 49ers], we like the news... as the Packers beat them earlier this year.

So, yeah. We'll see. Vikings game tomorrow night. At Lambeau. I won't be there. Let's hope it's soon enough after my last visit that some of my magic is left in the bleachers.

*Yes, the same Carlyle Holiday who was playing as a Cardinals receiver the last time I was there. He caught a 12-yard pass on 3rd-and-six that was negated because of a holding call.

What Losing Streak?

2006-12-15T21:55:00.000-06:00

Packers 30 - 49ers 19

I can really pour it on how badly we beat up on the 'Niners last weekend because they absolutely slaughtered Mike Holmgren's Seahawks in the second half of their game last night. The transitive property (a good friend to all Packers fans) dictates that we are therefore now a far better team than the Super Bowl losers of last season. [Packers beat San Fran, so we're better than them; San Fran beats Seattle, so they're better than the Seahawks; therefore, the Packers are better than the Seahawks -- the game earlier this season obviously becomes moot, since this all happened much more recently than that.]

We benefited from the 49ers mistakes, and we caused our fair share of them to occur, too. At the same time, we left the game with only two penalties for a mere ten yards -- for whatever reason (makeup from a certain call, perhaps?!), the officials didn't spoil this game for us. From the fans' perspective, watching a game where your team doesn't shoot itself in the foot is quite embiggenning.

I have to give a little credit to Charles Woodson, who earned another... oh, we'll say $1.5 million after being involved in four tackles, a fumble recovery, and an impressive 40-yard punt return. Rookie sensation Greg 'The Jennerator' Jennings had five receptions for 50 yards, and Double-D, whom the 'Niners inexplicably left in single coverage for most of the game, caught nine for 160, including another beautiful TD catch-and-run. This one was a 68-yarder reminiscent of the 82-yard play in the Vikings game... another slant, TYVM, but he turned this one into a corner route and then shook off a tackle from a Mr. Mark Roman on his way to the end zone. That was the second play in a two-play drive following a Nick Collins interception. It was also regular-season TD pass #413 for Brett. If he can string seven more together in the last three games this season, he'll tie Marino's record. Eight'll take him over the top.

Tomorrow, the Bob-and-Jeff-and-Bob-Junior crew heads up to the north for a long pre-game leading up to the Lions game at Lambeau. The Motown kitties are on a five-game slide. As I've pointed out, the last two times I've been at The Tundra have resulted in the last two victories the Pack has pulled off there. My attendance on Sunday should ensure another home win and the sixth consecutive loss by Detroit. I'm looking forward to seeing at least four TD passes from Favre. Then we turn right around and play our next -- and last -- home game of the season on Thursday night against the Vikings. It'll be a very short week, so I'm hoping we'll be able to stay healthy. On that front, it looks like Tauscher should be able to play in at least one of these next two. We've missed him.

Watch this space for more good news, kids. Remember: The Packers have not yet been eliminated from playoff contention.

Incidentally, that missing final score was Packers 10 - Jets 38.

Pre-Post-Game Analysis

2006-12-03T13:11:00.000-06:00

Packers LOST - Jets WON

It's unprecedented for me to do my write-up before the final gun, much less before the end of the first half, but it's also unprecedented for me to feel disgusted enough to want to spend so much of the first half of a Packers game regurgitating in an alley somewhere, disavowing all knowledge of Coach Oblio and his team.

Inside two minutes left, it's 24-0 Jets, and they're marching again.

Do I have to be at every home game? I'll remind my readers that our last two home victories came when I was in the stands at Lambeau field. Twice this year, we've been shut out at home, and now it appears to be happening again.

Given the weather up at Lambeau -- it's snowing -- I now have a theory. Last week, in the first half in the great northwest, the field was blanketed in white. White was the same color as the visiting Packers' jerseys. Matt Hasselbeck threw tons of passes to our guys. Camouflage. Second half, as things melted, so did the Packers.

This week, the Packers at home are in the green-and-golds, and the visiting Jets are in the whites.

I'm just throwing that out there.

Come on Mr. Sunshine, let's get out there and melt that snow. Then our D can...

Shit. 31-0.

Something's just come up. (All over my jersey.) Gotta' go now.

Monday Night Robbery

2006-12-03T09:26:00.000-06:00

Packers 24 - Seahawks 34

Add Tony Corrente to the list of NFL refs who are conspiring to ensure that the Packers fail. Fourth quarter, Seahawks up by only three and starting a drive at midfield, our defense held them incomplete on first down, one-yard run on second, and incomplete on third. Rock on. Punt, right?

Yeah, no, because Corrente called Cullen Jenkins for roughing the passer in the worst call I've seen in the NFL so far this year -- and no, that's not just because I'm a Packers fan. The "are quarterbacks overprotected" story has been making the rounds all over the country this week. If Jenkins can get called on a play like that, how is it that neither of the two players who knocked Brett Favre out of the game a couple of weeks ago got called? I just don't get it.

It might not have bothered me nearly as much if that call wasn't such a game-changer. Instead of holding the Seahawks to a spot in the field where they absolutely could not have scored, the call took the air out of the defense and Seattle ended up with seven more points, scoring the last points of the game.

We played well except for some other unfortunate third down penalties (that were justified) in the second half. Favre started that half with TD pass #410 to Driver in a beautiful 48-yard crossing play. From there, it was a slow self-destruction. DAMMIT!

Note: Abdul Hodge, who played in his first start did have a defensive TD for us, but I have to say he was easily responsible for giving back seven to Seattle, so he nullified himself. Woodson, on the other hand, earned some more money with two picks. If we could have turned our four turnovers into more than 14 points, we would have certainly put ourselves a bit more firmly in the driver's seat in this game. In the Bills game, we played better but our four turnovers killed us. In this game, we played better but we didn't capitalize enough on the four turnovers we got.

One thing that I can say for sure in this post: Italics? Working.

Finding Religion

2006-11-21T20:56:00.000-06:00

Packers 0 - Patriots 35

Holy turfucken goose egg, Batman. Never mind that Ahman "Batman" Green was one of the many players on the offense who couldn't do jack shit on Sunday. Never mind that a kicker led us to our second scoreless outing at home in the same season for the first time since 1928. Never mind that the play calling did nothing to exploit the Pats' depleted secondary. Never mind that it was quite possibly the worst game ever.

Brett got hurt, and as a result, all of Packersdom is on its collective knees, praying to whatever deity they can get to listen.

Thing is, even before he landed on his elbow with less than two minutes left in the first half, Brett really just sucked in this game. He couldn't connect on any of his passes - he went just 5-15 for 73 yards, which is the worst I can remember him ever playing. He was a bit hobbled, with two bad ankles and an apparent groin injury from a late-week practice, but he just looked like he didn't know what he was doing, which was super-painful to watch. After he left, of course, Aaron Rodgers went in, but he wasn't much better. As it turns out, he played at least a quarter on a broken foot... so now he's out for the season.

What a nightmare.

So, when you might assume that Ingle Martin would go in on the (Buddha forbid) chance that Brett couldn't make his 252nd consecutive start, you'd be wrong. Today, we signed Todd Bouman as our all-of-a-sudden second-string QB. Martin must be ready to kill someone. (May I recommend Ted Thompson, Ingle?) Bouman has been a nobody in the NFL for nine seasons, most recently for the Saints (under Coach Oblio's tutelage before he'd bailed out to San Fran).

Cut to me praying that he doesn't have a chance to shine at all in Green Bay.

Not Dead Yet

2006-11-16T18:03:00.000-06:00

Packers 23 - Vikings 17

Make that four times we've been one game under .500 this season.

Now Favre has won in the TerrorDome a total of just five times, but what a victory. The last time he threw for so many yards was in the Christmas Eve game two seasons ago, when we beat the Viqueens (thanks to a last-second Ryan Longwell) for the second time that season by the same score: 34-31. This time, Longwell, did connect on a kick, but for the 'Queens, and only too little, too late. Driver had another amazing game - his most productive ever, in fact, thanks in large part to his 82-yard touchdown catch-and-run near the end of the first half (gotta' love that slant!).

Reports of the Packers' demise are greatly exaggerated. Hendy came back to play again and made a difference, for example. Perhaps he can learn the new schemes, eh coach Oblio? And Kampman and Big 99 Williams keep turning up, too. Even Brady Poppinga got some of the spotlight, with a fumble-causing sack early in the game.

With two TD passes in this game, Favre is now sitting at 409 in his regular-season career -- just 12 away from surpassing Marino. It will be miraculous if he can string together 12 in the last seven games... but he has had 13 in the first nine. Just saying.

Greg "The Jennerator" Jennings remains my standout favorite for the season. (Quick 'Did You Know?': We haven't played a game yet this season when we haven't started at least three rookies on the line.) All the kid does is catch first downs. In the first half against the Bills, I think that's all he did catch, in fact. And BTW, the only difference between this game and the Bills game was the fact that, in this one, we didn't have any turnovers. Favre was throwing more checkdowns and even throwing more balls away against Minnesota, and it made a huge difference. With Jennings in the mix, some of those checkdowns are turning out to be as good as the scripted plays, if not better. Keep an eye out for him.

Now this week, we've got a New England team that hasn't lost three consecutive games in over four years. I recall looking at our 'easy' schedule back before the season began, and these next two -- New England and Seattle -- stood out as the toughest opponents. I can't say that impression has changed, although a young start-up team like ours is shaping out to be really doesn't bother caring about what's supposed to happen. If they can have one of those games where they play as a team, they can own any of our slated foes. I'm not making any guarantees, but look for Big 99 to quiet down in these next two just enough so that A.J. Hawk can start getting loud. You read it here first.

Jinxy McSpoilsalot

2006-11-11T22:53:00.000-06:00

Packers 10 - Bills 24

Okay, posting optimistic predictions an hour before the game didn't so much work out. Not sure what to do here. Do I post further from the game, post guarantees of failure, or some combination of the two?

In one of the more frustrating games of the season, we actually did well. Looking at the numbers (over 400 yards of offense), you might have a hard time understanding how the Packers could have possibly lost the game. Honestly, I expected the exact opposite of what transpired on the field -- given how our defense has played, I expected it would be us taking the ball away for a defensive TD. We could still stand to improve in that area.

I'm angry that the big play has come pack to bite us. Without Al Harris letting Lee Evans burn him in zone coverage (with no safety help) for a 43-yard score, the game would have ended much differently. My television would not have a hole in it, for example.

Interestingly, when I was at Lambeau for the Cardinals game (have I mentioned that?), I was ready to strangle Corey Williams when he committed his second costly offsides penalty. In the Bills game, he chalked up a personal-best three sacks. Kampman had one, too, so he's still up there in the league with 9-1/2.

Can't recall how much detail I included about the last game -- as it happens, I was in the stands at Lambeau for that game. In fact, the last time I had been in attendance at a Packers game, it was in January, when we beat the Seahawks. That was the last time they had won at home. Remember when they would win at home? Remember when they would come back in the fourth quarter and win games? Remember when they would stop teams from gaining 25, 30, and more yards in a play?

I remember, and I'm still a fan. If you're jumping off the bandwagon, please quit reading this and go make your lame-ass fantasy football picks. Just know that you're what's wrong with the NFL. Sleep well.

What a Rush!

2006-11-05T11:15:00.000-06:00

Packers 31 - Cardinals 14

The first Packers game I was able to attend was a Bishop Charities preseason game in August of 1995, in which the Packers racked up 233 yards rushing against the Washington Redskins. We had a total of 393 yards in that game.

On Sunday, I watched the Pack put together 203 yards rushing (383 total) against the Cards, and two of our running backs had 100 yards each. I also got to see Brett Favre perform his only Lambeau Leap ever. Yes, it was in the exact opposite end of the field from me... but I was there, and it was awesome. I didn't get any good pictures during this game, but I did capture a crapcam image. Enjoy.

Where we are: Two wins in a row for the first time since 2004 and three games in a row without throwing an interception (in that game in '95, Favre threw one in the second quarter that got returned for a 72-yard TD). Rock on. In less than an hour, we kick off in Buffalo against the Bills. Last I heard, we were 3-point underdogs in that game. What?

We're one game under .500 for the third time this season. By the time the game's over today, I look forward to being 4-4 and continuing the run toward another postseason behind Brett Favre.

It's About Time

2006-10-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

As reported today at TV.com (don't read the comments under the story if you want to avoid spoilers), "Lost" will be gaining back a few viewers on November 8th, thanks to Cap'n Mal.

Since "Firefly," we've seen Gina return to her glory on "Alias" (and take a poor right turn in some show about hostage negotiators starring the guy from Office Space who now does Sprint commercials), Alan on Broadway, and Summer on some CBS show your grandma enjoys. Finally, Nathan makes a showing. Also, word is he has an agreement to star in an upcoming FOX vehicle. No doubt, it'll be jostled on the schedule and last only a handful of weeks, despite its guaranteed brilliance.

Now, if only Morena and Jewel would wrap shooting that soft porn pilot for Showtime....

Winning Streak Begins

2006-10-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

Packers 34 - Dolphins 24

Note the time -- I was off by an hour. That means I was also off about the game plan. Of course, had the game ended when I'd expected it to, my score prediction would've been frighteningly close. At 2:45, we were up 27-16. Perhaps the game wouldn't have lasted quite so long if the last six seconds of the first half had not taken so long to play. Rayner hit a career-long 55-yarder solidly, but a penalty was called on the defense (some weird-ass thing like "disconcerting yawping") that gave us 15 yards. Unfortunately, I guess because of when it happened, we couldn't decline it and take the field goal. Rayner kicked another good one from 40 yards out, but then we got called for a 15-yard face mask. Because the time on the clock expired while we kicked it and the penalty was on us, we didn't get the time back for Rayner to try to boot another 55-yarder.

It's not that we didn't rush -- Ahman Green, back for the first time in a month, had a 70-yard TD jaunt in the 4th quarter -- we just didn't follow the whole 'run to set up the pass' BS routine. This is the one thing I have enjoyed about the Oblio era. Favre also didn't make any grievous errors, despite making some dangerous throws. Luckily, Miami's secondary is even poorer than ours. It's hard not to throw against a team like that. Yes, I realize that this is a lot like the pot calling the kettle ferrous. I prefer to think of it in a positive light -- it's good for our boys to see this if it helps them realize how the rest of the league thinks of us when they see us coming up on their schedules.

Lots of people will sing the praises of Charles Woodson for his efforts in today's game. Let me go on record now to say I don't believe the hype. Not yet, anyway. He played horribly in the first half. There were a couple of plays directly attributed to his poor execution that allowed the Dolphins to score more points in this game than in any game so far this season. Just because he returns an INT for a TD, it doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to forget all the other crappy plays.

I'm happy for Driver -- he was really the only seasoned receiver we had on the field, and he proved that with a good game today. Bubba dropped at least one more pass today, so I don't know what's wrong with him. Seems like it's happening a little too often for it to be a coincidence. The worst thing was seeing Jennings leave the game. He went out with an ankle injury and had x-rays done in the locker room. Sounds like it was just a sprain, though, so I'm hoping I'll get a chance to see him rip apart the Cardinals (who are currently losing big to the winless Raiders) next Sunday at Lambeau.

One and Four... Again

2006-10-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

Packers 20 - Rams 23

I don't love the recurring theme here... but I'm convinced this season will turn out more like the 2004 season that the 2005 season. I think we're up for a string of convincing victories in the next phase of the season. Later today, it's the Dolphins. Next week, it's the Cards (in a game which, much to my pleasant surprise, I shall be attending with good friend and commiserater Bob). We're shallow on wide receivers after half the team got busted for something or injured themselves roughhousing on the off-week, so it'll be a slap-dash team, but you know who's leading them? Guy named Favre. Heard he's pretty neat. Favre vs. Ditka in a death match, I take Favre, 102-6. Somehow, I predict he'll get the ball into the hands of 26 different receivers. Here's hoping they'll all be Packers.

Kudos to step-up-to-the-plateable Herron for his performance a fortnight ago. Senator, he's no Samkon Gado, but he'll do in a pinch, I guess. How we could miss not one but two INTs in the St. Louis game, I'll never know. I'll chalk it up to the fact that Bob & Jeff were not there in the crowd urging the D on to their glory. In the upcoming game, I'm afraid our O-line will need to do as much as they did last time and make sure another running back or three have 100-yard outings for us to be able to put those bench-clearing-brawl-happy Miami footbal players in their places. I predict a quick game. After a 27-13 Packers victory, FOX'll be switching over to coverage of the Bears' bye week at about 2:30 Central time.

Cuts

2006-10-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

Packers 9 - Eagles 31

No, I didn't forget there was a game Monday night. I wanted to....

We played well for the first two-and-a-half quarters, but then the wheels fell off. We still haven't shown much of an ability to finish drives. Even in the last drive, right at the goal line, Gado-wanna'-be Vernand Morency couldn't punch it in with four tries. No corners and no TDs make Jack a dull boy. And hey, Oblio, where did the passing game go?!! Jee-zus.

Speaking of "no corners," as buddy 'Bob' put it in an email, "The cancer has been removed." Ahmad Carroll was finally cut. Good riddance! He's been burned more than R.J. Reynolds recently. Of course, so was T-Buck (who used to get burned toast mailed to him by fans), and -- like many former Packers -- he has gone on to bigger and better things with other teams since he left Green Bay. Watch: Carroll will be a standout corner for the Texans, who are a lock for the Super Bowl next season.

On to better things here, too. We have the Rams today. We're totally defeated at Lambeau this season, so it's time for that to change. My prediction: If we can get more turnovers from them than they get from us, we'll trounce them. If Brett gets behind and starts throwing up the desparation passes, and our receivers turn them into picks, then all bets are off. I like it way better when he's throwing the long ball in the beginning of the game (or -- gasp! -- when we're leading) because he sees an off-coverage.

If this team is going to cut emotional leader William Henderson because he's been ineffective, then why is Fergie still playing? We should continue the trend we've started and trade about 30% more of our players with the Texans. And, while we're at it, can we maybe get Sherman back?

Still High

2006-09-30T15:25:00.000-05:00

Packers 31 - Lions 24

Brett responded to the naysayers last Sunday. Wow. A couple of the more impressive numbers: He had his 400th (and 401st and 402nd) TD pass and completed passes to ten different receivers. It brought to mind a certain game in which he completed passes to a dozen.

Something has been bugging me all week, though. There was one hurry-up play we called with about eight minutes left in the second quarter, when we were tied at 14. When Brett called "hut," we were set on the line and Detroit was running around, trying to get set. We were in the red zone and it was third down. Had the refs allowed the play, we'd have easily had a first-and-goal (Herron had basically wound up in the end zone with the ball). But a flag was thrown and a whistle blew and the play was stopped. Then, this:

Green Bay substituted on the play. Therefore, by rule, the defense is not charged a penalty for twelve men on the field.

WHAT?!!

I've looked at the play several times. FOX didn't have a great cameral angle on it because they were caught off guard like the Lions were, but you can clearly see that the Packers were set on the line and when the ball was snapped and the camera pulled back, a Lions player was still running off the field at the bottom of the screen (so on the Packers' side of the ball). That, to me, seems pretty clearly like too many men on the field. What Walt Anderson said, though, makes no sense to me. The fact that we substituted should have no bearing on what the defense does. If it does, then every defense would always be throwing an extra guy or two out on the field every time the offense has a substitution. If they get an interception or some other great defensive play out of it, rock on. If they get called for it, they just reference the Walt Anderson Rule from September 24th, 2006 and they replay the down.

The NFL's official play-by-play has absolutely no mention of this having occurred, BTW. I guess any penalty that gets waved off doesn't make the cut on that summary.

I heard Tausch interviewed by Steve "The Homer" True on the radio late this week, and they were both just as confused by the call as I am. That (and this blog post) is the only thing I've heard about it since the game, though, so either the rule makes sense to everyone else in the world, I'm not as good at searching with Google as I thought, or it's a conspiracy. You be the judge.

A couple of days after the game, Favre was voted Offensive Player of the World (it may be "...of the Week" but I'm not bothering to do the research right now). I'm looking forward to some more record-shattering by Brett in the coming weeks. Marino's got to be shaking in his flip-flops. I heard Bob Costas say that Brett got his 400th TD in the exact same number of games played as Dan Marino got his 400th: 226. 19 more and Favre surpasses Marino in total number of TD passes in his career. I'll give him three more games to get that done.

More importantly, nine more wins will push Brett over Dan in career wins as a starting QB. If it doesn't happen this season (and I'm not saying it won't), he's got next year, too.

This Monday night, it's the Eagles. I've already heard "fourth and twenty-six" five times this week, and that's sixteen times too many. Go, Pack. Go!

Sting in 'Studio'

2006-09-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

Perfect storm. Sting's got a new album coming out (a bit outside the norm; it's 17th century pop music originally composed by John Dowland with accompaniments on the lute). According to this article:

Sting and Trudie... are off to Hollywood today: Sting is taping an episode of NBC's "Studio 60 on Sunset Strip," on which he'll perform selections from his upcoming "Songs from the Labyrinth" album.

Sweet.

Fall Shows

2006-09-18T21:09:00.000-05:00

As I write this, the best new show on television is airing on NBC: "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." I had the unique opportunity to receive a DVD containing all of NBC's new comedies and dramas (well, nearly all of them - it was still early and editing hadn't been completed on all of the new shows). "Studio 60" is the next great offering by Aaron Sorkin. As it happens, he happens to have collaborated on this one with his "West Wing" co-creator Tommy Schlamme. I've been a fan since before he decided to get all obvious with his political leanings (not that that changed anything with regard to my hero worship, mind you). A Few Good Men? Yeah, hello. "Sports Night"? Bingo again, my friends. Anyway, if you were too closed-minded and rightist to even give it a shot tonight, go screw yourself and then wise up and catch a rerun, dittohead.

"Studio 60" was on the 'Dramas' disc. On the 'Comedies' disc was the new John "3rd Rock was a Fluke" Lithgow/Jeffrey "I Sure as Hell Wish 'Arrested Development' was Still on the Air" Tambor vehicle "20 Good Years," which is crap, and some just wrong show called "The Singles Table" starring the guy who played either Harold or Kumar in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle... which is C... R... A... P. Wow. Anyway, "Studio 60" belongs on the 'Comedies' disc and the 'Brilliant Shows that at Least Have an Outside Chance of Winning Emmys because They're Not on FOX' disc.

Warning: The writing is not for the same audience as the Nightly News with Katie Fucking Courick (e.g., it's not written for a 4th grade reading level). If you don't like it, there is a very good chance that you are an idiot -- and not in a simple, debasing, I-lost-the-argument-and-I-want-to-belittle-you way... you are probably literally at an I.Q. at or slightly below that of our current American President, George W. "An Autistic Chimpanzee Fucked my Mom and All I Got was this Stupid DNA" Bush.

I'm not the first to blog about this show, or about any of the new NBC shows, I'm sure. I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy of the DVDs that are handed out to potential advertisers because someone I know through my parents works for Bravo/Lifetime, which is owned by NBC/GE/30 Rock/whatever. I just love Bradley "Wisconsin Native Breaks the Big Time" Whitford, I want the show to stay on the air, and I know the soul has been sucked out of equally great and greater shows like "Firefly" and "Arrested Development" and "Picket Fences." Watch this show and enjoy it, you lemmings. NOW!

Note: Watching all those shows on DVD without commercials (and, in some cases -- like with "Studio 60," in fact -- without finished opening credits) a couple of months early makes prioritizing the fall season much, much easier. In a nutshell, "Studio 60" and "Heroes" will last. I'm on the fence about "Kidnapped" (I was wrong about the equally-seemingly-short-term-gainy "Prison Break"). And "Friday Night Lights" is incredibly boring -- and I love football -- and "Raines" and "The Black Donnellys"... eh.

A 'Better' Loss

2006-09-18T00:22:00.000-05:00

Packers 27 - Saints 34

Well, it was certainly more fun to watch this week's game than it was to endure last week's. The first quarter was exciting. Kampman rocked the house with three sacks. Favre and Driver had some good connections -- Driver (in his 100th game) had one run-after-catch that may have been his best ever for a gain of 48 yards. Jennings got us our first TD of the season, and Brett spread the ball around a lot -- Fergie and Herron had TDs, too -- and threw himself another 300-plus-yard game.

But, yeah, we lost. So there's that.

Meanwhile, Ryan Longwell (now a Viqueen) passed for a TD to tie Minnesota's game against the Panthers, and then kicked the winning field goal for them in OT. Yeah, you just can't avoid the feeling that it's going to happen to us. I just really hope that, if it does, he gets it out of his system in our first meeting instead of in the prime time match on the NFL Network -- in the Packers' last home game of the season -- in December.

But enough negative thinking. I got enough doomsday talk about Favre in the pre-game shows. He's still just really enjoyable to watch. If we had a better team this year....

Remembering

2006-09-11T12:03:00.000-05:00

Packers 0 - Bears 26

This blog is now just over two years old. Nothing much has changed about it, apart from the reduction in the frequency of posts (although I predicted that from the start). I'm pretty sure I'm at a steady readership of three (thanks for reading!). I'd like to have a better blog, but I really don't know how I would go about making it better without spending a significant amount of time and/or money, so I'm afraid you're stuck with this.

It's also September 11th. It's been five years now since the day that changed America. I've been to Ground Zero twice since then, and today I went onto CNN's website for some reason to relive some of the more horrific moments. The '9/11' documentary was on again last night, and I flipped through that once or twice, too. I don't know what it is about that collection of events that draws me to want to put myself back in those moments, as terrible as they were, but in my mind it's just important. I can't explain it, so I'll stop trying.

Speaking of zero... yeah, the Packers got shut out. For the first time in Brett's career. At home. Things just aren't good. If you look back to some of the games I wrote up here, you'll see what I think was the watershed again just about two years ago: The Favre vs. Manning game against the Colts was telling and significant. Since that game in particular, the pit of my stomach has gradually spewed forth worse and worse feelings of doubt and remorse. Yes, we pulled the treepeat that year, but recall that we could only beat the Viqueens twice that season, and we needed to beat them thrice. All the good streaks began ending right around then. The end of the no-scoreless games streak is especially hard to swallow at the moment. That's not just one guy, it's a whole team failing together.

Okay, I'll hop off my doomsday machine. I know we still have some amazing games to look forward to this year, and I hold out hope that our young O-line will gel a bit more throughout the early part of the season and prep us for a run later this fall. To end on a positive note: So far this season we are undefeated in games in which we score points.

Four-Fer: Packers Preseason

2006-09-02T09:37:00.000-05:00

Preseason
Packers 3 - Chargers 17

Same preseason opener as last year, except we lost this one. Luckily, it wasn't at home. I was in Michigan, stealing broadband internet from the neighbors and using a free account from Real.com/NFL.com's NFL Field Pass to listen to the game on my work laptop. I took several extended breaks to go walk out on to the dock and watch the Perseids.

Preseason
Packers 38 - Falcons 10

That was more like it. Home game, big plays, big win. I was in Michigan for this one, too, still stealing broadband and exploiting the Real people via a brand new free account (same name, address, and credit card, but a different email address - what geniuses they are over there in New Dheli or wherever). Much more hooting and hollering this time, and much less getting up and walking away from the computer in disgust. Felt pretty good.

Preaseason
Packers 17 - Bengals 48

Yeah, didn't feel quite so good. This one, I got to watch... unfortunately along with everyone else in America... on ESPN with the new crew, 'featuring' Tony Kornholer. All three of the guys were fat ladies singing over the end of Favre's career as evidenced by his performance in this game. Shut up, you douchebags.

Preseason
Packers 21 - Titans 35

We finished the preseason with the same team this year, too. Bookends to a lackluster intro, but punctuated here with a brilliant two-play Favre series: 89 yards to 'The Jennerator' (from? Western Michigan - go Broncs!) followed by a 3-yard handoff to a guy named Green. Brett bowed out after that and the third- and fourth-stringers embarrassed themselves for the remainder of the game.

Actually, I'd forgotten the score ended up being that close. I had begun the game in a training room on the west side of Madison that perplexingly had absolutely no television reception, despite the fact that I could see both channel 27's and channel 15's antennae out the window of said training room. My 13-inch antenna-less color TV was almost completely bereft of a signal. I considered stealing Epic's bandwidth and signing up for yet another free week-long trial of NFL Field Pass with another fake email address, but then a fellow Training TL saw me in the hall and said two words that re-centered me: Old Chicago. I packed up and we hit the bar, where the reception was crisp for the second half debacle, but the Octoberfest was flowing. Talk turned from the doomed fate of this year's Pack to 'raise day,' and my doldrums quickly faded once a phone call was made, the online bank account was checked, and the news was shared that I was now making a veritable shitload more than I had been making just a day earlier.

Those kinds of surprises are always welcome. Given our schedule this season, I'd say the Packers might have a couple of surprises up their sleeves, too. Tonight, on the eve of the 2006 NFL season, and I'm counting on it. I will at least guarantee that we'll string together a better season than 4-12. Here's hoping we kick things off right with another ritual trouncing of the Bears on Sunday.

11,777(ish)

2006-08-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

Ruth's mom died this past week and her memorial service was today here in Michigan. Since this is my final vacation week of the summer, we're out at the cottage with the kids all this week, so we attended (but without the kids).

The pastor was long-winded. He hit his 15-minute quota and then overshot it by a good ten more. His primary message was that we should count our days. He actually used the line about how, from the moment we're born, we're all dying. He really went on and on about it. And then he started talking about goats for some reason. Meanwhile, I towed the fundamentalist line and took the pastor's suggestion literally. I did the math in my head (and with my finger as a 'ghost pencil' on my program) and -- roughly ten minutes later, about halfway through the lettuce-pray (Part VI, subparagraph 2) -- came up with a number I was happy with: 11,777.

I took the number of years I was alive and multiplied it by 365, arriving at 11,680. Then, remembering my middle school science, I figured out how many February 29ths I had lived through (2004, 1996, 1992, 1988, 1984, 1980, and 1976 -- my deliberate omission of the year 2000* was my only error) and added those to reach 11,687. Then I just needed to figure out how many days it had been to today from my birthday this year. As the pastor finished the prayer, I finished my addition and felt confident with 11,777. I just checked time and date.com's Date Duration Calculator and discovered my error.* My days are therefore officially numbered at 11,778.

I also want to set something incredibly minor straight. In the service, Ruth did an excellent job of encapsulating her mother's life, peppering in appropriate anecdotes to emphasize key points. One story she included was about the summer night over a decade ago when Grandma Lucy and I sat on our respective porches watching a line of strong thunderstorms that fired along a line just to the north of our lake. For about four hours, starting at sunset, the horizon across the lake was alight with near constant lightning (and we're talking gorgeous cloud-to-ground bolts), and it was only just far enough away from us that we only rarely heard the faint sound of thunder or caught a warm, instable-air breeze. It didn't rain on our lake until after the worst of it was over. It was far and away the coolest weather event I have observed at the cottage.

My only tiny contention is with the way that Ruth presented it at the service. Basically, she said that, as Grandma and I were watching the lightning, Grandma was calming my fears about the storms and convincing me that it was something beautiful rather than something to fear. By that point, though, I was already over my fear of storms and into wonderment -- the stage where I remain now. I had checked the radar that day and had seen that we were in store for something that night. I actually made popcorn around Hour Two and sat on our porch like the whole thing was a summer blockbuster unfolding on nature's screen before my eyes. Both Grandma and I were respectfully amazed by the show that night. The story played well at the service the way Ruth told it, though, so I'm happy to let that memory morph a bit in some people's eyes.

Incidentally, the coolest site I know for weather pictures is called Extreme Instability. This guy is amazing.

Grandma Lucy was 90.

*NOTE: I remembered something about the '00 years incorrectly. I thought that it was 'every fourth '00 year doesn't have a February 29th.' In fact, every fourth '00 year has the extra day. That's basically because the number of days it takes for the earth to revolve around the sun is not exactly 365, nor is it exactly 365.25. The last time eight years passed between leap years was surrounding 1900, and the next won't be until 2100 (2096 will be a leap year, 2100 won't be, and 2104 will be). Fascinating, no?

CleeseFallen

2006-07-21T21:19:00.000-05:00

John Cleese doesn't like being funny any more. (Yes, please do note that 'any more' is two words.) This makes me somewhat sad. Then again:

...Cleese did say he enjoyed some contemporary comedians and shows, citing Ricky Gervais’s The Office, Chris Langham and Paul Whitehouse in Help, Eddie Izzard and Bill Hicks, who he described as ‘what Lenny Bruce was supposed to be, but never was’.

So at least he's not completely off his rocker yet.

Being Connected

2006-07-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

The camel's back broke shortly before my Ohio trip. DeeDee needed the cell phone her own self, so I would be 'unconnected.' (Not that I was unreachable, mind you -- I was on a high-speed connection all day and even used the chat function of Google Talk to check in several times while on-site.) So I was forced to give in. We visited the Cingular Wireless store to look at phones and discuss plans.

TIP: Just about everything is cheaper online than at the Cingular Wireless store. The stores have to pay their employees, you see, so they can't possibly afford to wheel and deal with the likes of you in person. If you want something right away, mind you, you have the option of taking care of business then and there, but know that you'll be paying for that convenience.

We went home and I ordered what we needed online. Upgraded DeeDee's phone and got me the same one, all for free after rebate, saving $120 from the in-store price. I am now officially one of the masses. I have my own fucking cell phone.

I decided years ago that I didn't like cell phones. Not because they were a status symbol or because their annoying rings interrupted my classes. I couldn't give two shits about other people's phones. I just hate the idea that somehow we have been duped into believing that we must always be reachable at any point in time; that we get pissed when we're in a location in the world from which we cannot receive nor make a phone call right NOW. We made it almost all of the way through the 1980s with pay phones serving that purpose. Now I work with people whose mobile phone is their only phone.

People who know how much of a computer geek I am are surprised to learn of my stance on this. To clarify, computer geekiness does not symbiotically equate to a pro-technology attitude across the board. There are things that computers and software have made much easier and more efficient (healthcare springs to mind -- that one in particular keeps me employed, though, so there's a bias at play). There are also things that are now computerized that were never all that difficult or inefficient in the first place. Phones are a perfect example of this latter category. 2% of the population needed cell phones. Now 12-year-olds are spending $1 to 'text their votes' and thusly changing what's on my radio and my television. (Their parents suck, BTW.)

So I hate them, but I have one now. I'm trying not to anger myself or others with it (which is more than I can say about almost every other person I've met who's had one), but I must admit that I have spent quite a lot of time tweaking and personalizing it (remember: Computer geek). The article linked above discusses annoying ringtones. Sure, there are plenty of those. And anyone who pays to download one is an idiot, since you can easily connect any phone made in the last few years to your computer and directly upload whatever sound file tickles your fancy. My 'tones' are personalized per caller and are mostly quotes from movies, television shows, and comedians. The only 'ring' I have programmed makes my cell sound like an old rotary-dial phone telephone bell when someone I don't know calls.

But I am and will continue to be a stringent follower of the rest of the rules of cell phone etiquette. In particular, let me encourage the rest of the world out there to pay attention to #7 on that list. Quiet the fuck down, people. You're not in a phone booth. We can hear you. If you somehow get hold of my cell number and we talk while I'm in a public place, be prepared for me to be speaking with you at a decibel level just above that of a whisper. The phone's brand new. I think it's safe to assume the mic works very well. Most headsets I've seen have the mic way up just beyond people's earlobes, and those can pick up a normal/quiet voice just fine. Head mics are that way on stage, too. If you're going to put so much trust in technology that you're willing to believe you need to be connected 24/7, is it so much of a leap for you to trust that the fucking mic can pick up your stupid, annoying voice coming out of your stupid, annoying mouth less than two inches away?

Yes, Ohio, Assholes CAN Fly

2006-06-30T16:05:00.000-05:00

Incidentally, I'm currently posting via the slow-as-molasses-but-free internet access provided to me as a passenger flying out of Port Columbus International Airport. As I was writing that last post, I watched out the window as Air Force One lumbered along down the tarmac carrying President Fuckwad to a locally-hosted fundraiser here tonight. The city's been all atwitter about the visit all day. Me, less so, since I knew he was scheduled to land at just about the exact same time as I was supposed to be leaving. My 5:04 flight is now slated to leave at 5:54. Thanks again, idiot.

As it landed and taxied over here near the end of the B concourse, people clogged my sight line and took pictures and video. From what I could see, though, I was really quite surprised by the sheer size of the plane. Wow.

I Stand Corrected

2006-06-30T15:43:00.000-05:00

Seen on a bus in downtown Columbus around lunchtime today: A bus advertisement for a website called debunkify.com. I thought maybe it was a Snopesesque site, but then I wondered why/how such a site could afford advertising on the side of a bus in Columbus. I also noticed that the lettering was that spraypainted-block-letter font like RENT uses. I thought (rightly, as it turns out) that perhaps it was a truth.com ad. Check out what I saw when I just dialed it up:

So, apparently, after two trips, I've now only seen roughly over 20% of Columbus.

Pretentiampoo

2006-06-29T20:53:00.000-05:00

Important rich people don't use shampoo. Apparently, they use "hair wash."

OhiObservation

2006-06-27T20:36:00.000-05:00

You cannot spit in Columbus without hitting a Wendy's.

You also cannot walk down the street in Columbus unless you are smoking a cigarette.

Oh, and completely unrelated to Ohio, but still an observation: Anthony Clark was hi-friggin'-larious back in the mid-90s when he was the funniest new comedian at the Aspen Comedy Festival -- I remember watching that with my college roommates and we laughed our asses off. Apparently, though, that was his best stuff. Since then, he assaulted us with like, what, six seasons of "Yes, Dear"?! Now he's hosting "Last Comic Standing," and he's, um... just not funny at all. He actually just seems nervous and totally uncomfortable in front of the audience -- his voice is all shaky and cracky. Like he couldn't improv his way out of an empty bookstore. (No, I don't know what that means; I just didn't want to write 'paper bag.') I'm not saying Jay Mohr is the funniest guy on the planet, but he was a good host for that show. Clark blows. Get off my screen, you can't-even-read-off-of-a-TelePrompTer milquetoast hack.

Angry Much?

2006-06-26T07:55:00.000-05:00

My parents live half-time in Asheville, NC. (They also live half-time in Michigan, and when they aren't 'living' somewhere, they're off traveling the globe - they're in England again now, which means I'm jealous.) Asheville is in a gorgeous part of the country, and the city itself is lovely. It has lots of art and great restaurants; plus, the Biltmore's there, so you know it's going to keep the riff-raff at arms' length.

Then again... take a look at what happened last night in the world of Class A baseball. It wasn't actually in Asheville, but Manager Joe Mikulik certainly represents his team and therefore the city of Asheville. It'll be interesting to see how he's welcomed back by the masses there. In my mind, I'm imagining him grimacing as he rides back into town and all the residents are just standing at the side of the road, slack-jawed and confused. A child with dried chocoloate ice cream on his chin and shirt stands holding a balloon and looks up at his father to ask what's going on, and the father just gives a stern look, puts a finger to his lips, and slowly shakes his head as if to say, No, Wendal, we shan't speak of this ever....

I didn't get much sleep this weekend, so this image is probably much funnier to me right now than it is to you. Until I can post the eventual, inevitable link to the video of the tantrum on YouTube, it'll have to do.

UPDATE: Cripes, that didn't take long!

Warming Back Up with Some Random Thoughts

2006-06-14T20:21:00.000-05:00

Perhaps the one thing that'd get me interested in teaching again: "middle school teachers have resigned after students saw them having sex in a classroom"
Perhaps the one thing that could make the hot dog better: "peanut butter"
Perhaps the one collection of images that most clearly represents my feelings about felines: "Hitler cats"

Blogs Suck

2006-02-26T21:43:00.000-06:00

This one sucks because the blogger never posts anything, but what I really mean is that they all suck time. No one worth their salt (to use a phrase that no one really ever uses except when they're trying to sound either intelligent or nostalgic) can devote the time necessary to immerse themselves into the blog-reading experience. I only read Dave Barry's Blog and the blogs of some friends with any kind of regularity. I would read Wil Wheaton's blog, geektown post-fests like Slashdot and Boing Boing, and even some political blogs more, but I just don't have the time. Honestly, those who do are wasted lifeforms on this planet. A sleep-deprived friend (read: fellow parent) who just discovered my blogging presence reported to me that she got sucked into reading the archives instead of heading off to bed last week. Upshot: If you are reading this, you yourself are scum.

Not to make excuses, but I've been busy. For one thing, I'm a big, important muckity-muck at work now, which is to say I've simply agreed to take on more responsibility without a guarantee of more pay. We call it "Team Leader" at work. So far it's fine. At least it hasn't differed from my expectations. Unfortunately, my expectations included the assumption that the number of meetings I was required to attend would double.

The other thing was a long-weekend vacation to New York: The City with Chris and Deb. If you look closely, you can see them with DeeDee in the pic on the left. In the middle of last summer, we secured tickets to The Odd Couple starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick* on the day they went on sale (thanks, American Express). Chris and I have wanted to play Oscar and Felix, respectively, opposite one another since we met in Laughter on the 23rd Floor (it shall be done), so we had to make the trip to catch this version together. We built the rest of the trip around that show. In the end, we also got to see Spamalot and The Lion King.

We stayed at the Milford Plaza, and I can't say enough about how perfect it was for us. Hello, we're tourists from the Midwest in town to see some shows. We can't afford New York as it is, yet we'd prefer not to sleep on the street. Chris and I prepared ourselves and our wives for the worst, and were probably therefore all the more pleasantly surprised by the Milford. Location? Excellent. Walking distance to absolutely everything, really (including John's Pizzeria - "No Slices!" - and Smith's Bar), and what wasn't near enough was a quick and cheap Subway or taxi ride away. Amenities? Just fine. There was a concierge, and the rooms were actually bigger than the bed, with a bathroom attached. Sweet. The only issue was that the ice machine was busted on our floor, so we had to walk two floors down when we wanted scotch. Worth it.

There were several high points, not the least of which was briefly meeting and speaking with Hank Azaria, David Hyde Pierce, and Mike Nichols after Spamalot. The only thing that could possibly have topped that would have been if Eric Idle had stepped out the stage door. As it was, I had also gone into that show with low expectations, thanks to Lisa's review. I should learn to stick with my gut more, though, because I thought it'd be grand and it certainly was. It was all I'd hoped for plus just a teensy bit more. There were inside jokes for true Python madmen like me (a reference to Colin "Bomber" Harris among them), plus some Producers-esque nose-thumbings at Broadway musical conventions. I really loved the show. It deserved at least half the acclaim it received.

It also snowed a bit in NYC the weekend we were there. A record 26.9" to be exact. Being there for that and not having to worry that it would screw with our travel plans was really quite fun! Highly recommended travel destination, if you can manage it.

*NOTE: Despite Ang's insightful and thorough review here, The Producers: The Movie Musical was excellent. Those who panned it, like those who have panned the revival of The Odd Couple on Broadway, really don't seem to comprehend context. Mel Brooks asked Susan Stroman to put The Producers on film because he wanted the musical on film. Critics bitched that it was a fixed camera watching actors perform. Um... hello? That was the intent. The movie broke with that convention a bit - some scenes were filmed right out in the open in Central Park and in Shubert Alley - and, honestly, those were the only parts of the film I questioned at all. I don't love Max singing "Along Came Bialy" or "Betrayed" directly to the camera. That doesn't seem natural (or, to be accurate, theatrical). The rest rang true to the stage version, which was simply marvelous on too many levels to comment on here. As for The O.C. (as I'm fond of calling it), again the critics missed the point. Many claimed it failed to bring the show back fully because the references were outdated. WTF?! The action takes place in 1965! You can't "modernize" it. In fact, Neil Simon tried to do that himself in 1985 with Moreno and Struthers and I'd argue that this version succeeds better than that did in bringing the true essence of the show back to life. Someone wrote that the idea of two men living in an apartment together isn't nearly as socially awkward now as it was when the show first premiered. To that, I say, "so what?" Wouldn't it suck if we discovered upon the revival of a show after three decades that the same prejudices and social inequities existed as were being brought to light upon the show's original premiere? Come on. The only complaint I have is that I wish Matthew Broderick hadn't chosen to use the high-pitched, whiny voice similar to the one he used in The Producers in this play. It was unnecessarily distracting.

Now He Can Retire

2006-01-22T17:28:00.000-06:00

With this, Brett can really go out on top.

Milestones

2006-01-20T17:00:00.000-06:00

Just this moment -- at roughly 25 seconds after 5:00pm -- I turned ONE BILLION SECONDS OLD. Happy Gigasecond to me.

Also, my car is sitting in a parking lot downstairs with an odometer that reads 199994. Shortly after I begin my battle with the snow and idiot drivers on the Beltline on my way home tonight, I'll see the 200,000-mile rollover.

Truthfully, the reason I'm waiting a bit to leave is that I'm kind of worried about what would happen if I reach the billionth second and the 200,000th mile simultaneously. I might just hit the nexus of the universe and cease to exist.

Spectral.

McCarthyism in Green Bay

2006-01-20T13:12:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know, I haven't blogged about it. Here:

In a move that was made only slightly more popular due to George Clooney's sleeper Good Night, and Good Luck, and in keeping with the recent tradition of going after guys named Mike, the Packers hired Mike McCarthy as their head coach last week. And I slammed a beer.

This solidifies Ted Thompson's apparent conviction to personally sabotage any hope of a championship season for the Packers for at least -- you may want to sit down for this next part, kids -- eight more years. McCarthy has worked with the Packers and Brett Favre before. He was the quarterbacks coach in 1999, when Ray "Only Slightly More Healthy than Dick Cheney" Rhodes coached us to an 8-8 season, which now stands as Brett's second-worst season with the Pack.

McCarthy comes in having coached both the New Orleans Saints and the San Francisco 49ers into the ground as offensive coordinator. The Saints are picking second in the draft next year (the 'Niners picked first in '05), and we're picking fifth. Wow. Big step up for McCarthy. In which direction do you suppose that means we're stepping, though? Yeah.

Meanwhile, while we can look forward to another season of "West Coast" offense, we can also expect to drop to the basement in defensive production, as bright spot Jim Bates decided to ditch earlier this week. Now we're seeing all kinds of new coaches popping up all over the place in Green Bay. 116-year old Mike Stock will join us as special teams coordinator, for example. And, in a surprise move the other day, McCarthy hired Joy Philbin as our offensive line coach. Luckily, someone at the William Morris Agency caught the typo on the FAX before she could board the plane, and a relieved Joe Philbin was told he could have the job later that day.

Incidentally, while surfing Packers.com earlier this week to try and figure out if I'm going to recognize the team at all next season, I ran across this ad:

And one of these things is not like the other. Think like a Packers fan and I think you'll figure out which one:

Overrated

2006-01-04T23:27:00.000-06:00

See? We didn't want Bush or Leinart anyway.

Losers.

Happy New Year! Indeed!

2006-01-04T08:20:00.000-06:00

Packers 23 - Seahawks 17

The NFL shafted us back on December 13th by dictating that the Packers were no longer a marquee team and booting us from the national-audience 3:15 slot to the regional noon slot. Then all of the same sports announcers who bashed Favre all season long fell all over themselves during the highlights of this game, just in case it turns out that it was his last.

That sucked.

After the game, as we drove back south awaiting the post-game press conference, we were told that, for the second time this season, Brett would not be speaking with the media. Then, a few minutes later, we were told that Brett had called a press conference for Monday at 11am. Uh-oh. Then, a little later still (or yet), we learned that Brett wouldn't be involved in the Monday press conference, either. Um...?

Cut to me at work on Monday at 10:45, my Outlook reminder just having dinged at me telling me not to forget to pull up the internet feed soon. The phone rings. It's my wife. "I just thought you'd want to know: ABC is showing a crawl at the bottom of the screen during the Rose Parade. They fired Sherman."

That sucked more.

Ted Thompson probably decided Brett's future with that decision. I won't argue much about this. Yes, the play calling this year sucked ass. (And yes, last year I thought Sherman was a genius when he took over the play calling -- we were winning then.) But I'll just ask one thing: Don't you hang on to the guy who, over the last five years, led your team to three consecutive North Division Championships? One bad season was enough for Ted, I guess, and he must not think Brett still has enough left in him to turn it around for us next year. Favre already said he won't stick around to learn a new system under a new coach. If I knew that, then Thompson knew it. So the wait begins to see what new no-name losers we interview and eventually hire. Meanwhile, Brett will hunt and mull, and eventually decide that he's done, and then he'll call his own press conference.

That will suck.

The game, though? That rocked. As I expected, the crowd was wild and incredibly supportive of Brett. At various points during the game, pockets of the crowd would break into chants of "one more year!" In our section, we got greedy and all political-conventiony and switched it up to "four more years!" He is number 4, after all. That was nice. We were optimistic back then. Ah, memories.

Packers.com does a poll after each game asking who the MVP was. I checked it before the press confererence, and 70% said it was Brett. In actuality, it was the guy who had 21% of the votes: Donald Driver. He and Brett were rock stars on third down plays Sunday. Five of Double-D's six catches were on third down plays. The only catch that wasn't was his longest -- a 59-yard bomb near the end of the third quarter that brought us to Seattle's 5 yard line. Unfortunately, the next play was a sack/fumble that the 'hawks recovered.

But this is the most important thing that no one is talking about: When the Pack won the coin toss, I swear Brett Favre said, "We want the ball, and we're going to score." I couldn't hear it because the crowd was cheering the fact that we had won the toss, but I was looking at the big screen with the specific intent of seeing whether Brett would say it. On the drive up, I mentioned that I thought he should say it, mocking Matt Hasselbeck's "famous last words" in one of our greatest Playoff victories ever, two years ago. I'm not the greatest lip-reader, but I have particular experience watching coaches swear on the sidelines during NFL games, and I am certain that Brett said exactly that.

That was awesome.

Brett loves the game. He loves the competition. I have loved watching him, even when I've hated it. I've watched three college games in the last two days, I will watch one more tonight, and then four more NFL games this weekend, but I miss football already.

Merry Christmas, Indeed

2005-12-25T22:06:00.000-06:00

Packers 17 - Bears 24

It's the holiday season, so I'll try to keep things light. I was at the least disappointed to hear the loss (we were on our way from WI to MI, so I was forced to tune in on the radio and listen to Chicago's announcers, who suck, BTW). Three word anthem: I hate kickers. Of course, given the coaching decisions, we still would've lost by one point had Longwell even made those two kicks.

But even given the poor coaching and the poor execution and the seemingly endless stream of interceptions, I feel like a true Wisconsinite conservative when it comes to the Packers: Status quo is fine by me. Should Sherman come back next year? Absolutely. If he doesn't, guess who else doesn't?

I will be at the game next week, and quite honestly one of the things I will be looking for will be how the Lambeau crowd responds to Brett. I will be looking for the homemade signs, to see how many people really think it will be Brett's last game on the frozen tundra. I suspect at the very least he will be receiving an ovation. I hope it'll be after the game is securely in hand for the Pack, and Rodgers is coming in to spell Brett after he leads us to an insurmountable 35-point lead... but I'll take what I can get. My prediction is that Hasselbeck won't be making any predictions like the one he botched two years ago because the 'Hawks won't bother to play many of their starters after the initial drive. I hope we play our guys the whole way and pretend it's the fucking Super Bowl. It's as close as we're going to get this year, and, given the mentality of any good Packers fan, whupping the eventual Super Bowl loser is as good as claiming second place in the league, even in a 4-12 season.

Press the Big Red Button...

2005-12-19T23:17:00.000-06:00

Packers 3 - Ravens 49

...You know, the one that says SELF DESTRUCT.

I'd write more, but the NFL strictly prohibits my writing descriptions of the game without their express written consent.

Lucky for me.

Sammy G: MVP

2005-12-12T22:31:00.000-06:00

Packers 16 - Lions 13 (OT)

Samkon Gado is:

A) brilliant beyond his 7-game NFL career
B) lucky as hell
C) really, really stupid
D) All of the above

In the fourth of five quarters required for us to win a game at home against a depleted team with an interim coach (am I getting off track already?), following a brilliant goal-line stand, Samkon Gado took a handoff from like 6-8 yards deep in our own end zone. In the midst of his being tackled, he had the wherewithal (see question above) to pitch the ball forward across the goal line to avoid a safety. The refs called it 1) intentional grounding plus 2) a hold on Tausch. The grounding was declined and the hold was accepted, resulting in a safety.

Then they talked it over and, after a few minutes, Mike Carey opened his mic back up and explained that 1) since Gado was outside the tackle box and he threw the ball beyond the line of scrimmage, it wasn't intentional grounding, and furthermore 2) the hold was not in the end zone. Therefore, the safety was pulled off the board.

Sure, it was just two points, but it would've led to us free-kicking it back to Detroit and it would have been very difficult for us to tie it up and force overtime after that. We would've had to (gasp!) go for the win.

But we did win, and Gado did have a helluva' game (I vote A, BTW), and -- did I mention? -- we won. Sure, fine, some non-fan-type sports radio hosts say the win was pointless and that we should've pulled a Texan-like shankatolla to keep our hat in the first-round draft pick ring, but the high rollers in the draft right now are a QB and a Running Back from Southern Cal. We have Brett Favre (oh, yeah, and last year's "first round pick" Aaron Rogers) and Sammy G.

I'm just saying. Would we throw Reggie Bush back if we had the chance to draft him? No. No way. But should we play the rest of the season not to win just in case we could get a shot at him or at Matt Leinart? No.

No way.

A Useful Page!

2005-12-08T16:48:00.000-06:00

It's official. The internet is now good for two things: Porn and this page.

If I Were a Rich Man...

2005-12-05T23:12:00.000-06:00

...Christmas at our house would look like this.

This is not a hoax. Lots of people across the country are starting to sequence their lights like this. I say bravo. Even if I were the neighbor across the street from one of these displays, I would be more in awe than I would be annoyed.

But then again -- if you are to listen to my exes -- apparently I am a terrible judge of what's good about Christmas.

Holy Crap, We're a Department Store!

2005-12-05T09:38:00.000-06:00

Stoffels : New Zealand Department Store & New Zealand Online Shop

I can't believe I never knew that. I only knew of stoffels.com, which is apparently the place to go to buy (or maybe just look at?) an expensive car in Germany (...or wherever Würselen is).

I'm adding this to the list of reasons why I want to go to NZ.

No Spoiler, We

2005-12-04T23:10:00.000-06:00

Packers 7 - Bears 19

More streaks ended. Brett had an 11-game winning streak alive at Soldier Field, and he had thrown a TD pass in 26 consecutive games against the Bears. We did get a TD (something that's been hard for teams to do against the Bears this year), but it was Gado running in. Brett should have had a TD pass at the end of the first half, but it was picked off and run back 95 yards instead, in a play that was a bit too reminiscent of what Mike Brown did near the end of the first half at Lambeau last year.

Had just two plays worked out differently, we would've won 17-16. Yet this was our second-worst beating of the season. The 12-point difference also now means that our opponents have collectively outscored us. Shocking that, for a 2-10 team, it took until Week 13 for that to happen.

[sigh] I'm tired.

Shit Happens when You Party Naked

2005-12-03T23:17:00.000-06:00

I just watched Bad Santa for the first time (thanks to an over-a-year-old recommendation from Lisa), and it just made it into my top five X-mas movies, which are as follows:

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Love Actually*
Bad Santa
It's a Wonderful Life (yeah, but screw you, 'cuz it's a great movie)
Die Hard

A Christmas Story got bumped to #6. Sorry, but I have a hard time identifying with a kid who wants a gun more than anything else in the world. (The fact that it's in my top ten at all is due to the fact that he actually does end up [nearly] shooting his eye out.) A self-destructive, snarky drunk, on the other hand... well, that I can get on board with.

A couple of "facts" about Bad Santa that maybe you didn't know:

The first set of scenes were supposed to have taken place in Milwaukee (despite the fact that the only O'Hara's Pub I ever saw was in Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
You know the "The Producers would like to thank..." list that appears near the end of the credits (usually after all of the songs)? In Bad Santa, Leonardo DiCaprio was on that list.

*NOTE: Lisa hates this movie