History Lesson: Groundhog Day

Here in America, we celebrate a strange little holiday known as "Groundhog Day" (often mangled as "Groundhog's Day") every February 2nd. On Groundhog Day, our President (who, as you'll remember from an earlier History Lesson, is selected by dozens of red- and blue-painted howler monkeys who are locked in a room together for five days) stands in front of a bunch of his ugliest friends and they all look to see if he has a shadow. If he does, we are reminded that we're in for four more years of crappy leadership, to be followed by decades of digging ourselves out of the hole he's put us in. Hence the groundhog reference.

In conclusion, America likes putting its important decisions in the hands of furry creatures.