Yes, Ohio, Assholes CAN Fly

Incidentally, I'm currently posting via the slow-as-molasses-but-free internet access provided to me as a passenger flying out of Port Columbus International Airport. As I was writing that last post, I watched out the window as Air Force One lumbered along down the tarmac carrying President Fuckwad to a locally-hosted fundraiser here tonight. The city's been all atwitter about the visit all day. Me, less so, since I knew he was scheduled to land at just about the exact same time as I was supposed to be leaving. My 5:04 flight is now slated to leave at 5:54. Thanks again, idiot.

As it landed and taxied over here near the end of the B concourse, people clogged my sight line and took pictures and video. From what I could see, though, I was really quite surprised by the sheer size of the plane. Wow.

I Stand Corrected

Seen on a bus in downtown Columbus around lunchtime today: A bus advertisement for a website called debunkify.com. I thought maybe it was a Snopesesque site, but then I wondered why/how such a site could afford advertising on the side of a bus in Columbus. I also noticed that the lettering was that spraypainted-block-letter font like RENT uses. I thought (rightly, as it turns out) that perhaps it was a truth.com ad. Check out what I saw when I just dialed it up:

So, apparently, after two trips, I've now only seen roughly over 20% of Columbus.

Pretentiampoo

Important rich people don't use shampoo. Apparently, they use "hair wash."

OhiObservation

You cannot spit in Columbus without hitting a Wendy's.

You also cannot walk down the street in Columbus unless you are smoking a cigarette.

Oh, and completely unrelated to Ohio, but still an observation: Anthony Clark was hi-friggin'-larious back in the mid-90s when he was the funniest new comedian at the Aspen Comedy Festival -- I remember watching that with my college roommates and we laughed our asses off. Apparently, though, that was his best stuff. Since then, he assaulted us with like, what, six seasons of "Yes, Dear"?! Now he's hosting "Last Comic Standing," and he's, um... just not funny at all. He actually just seems nervous and totally uncomfortable in front of the audience -- his voice is all shaky and cracky. Like he couldn't improv his way out of an empty bookstore. (No, I don't know what that means; I just didn't want to write 'paper bag.') I'm not saying Jay Mohr is the funniest guy on the planet, but he was a good host for that show. Clark blows. Get off my screen, you can't-even-read-off-of-a-TelePrompTer milquetoast hack.

Angry Much?

My parents live half-time in Asheville, NC. (They also live half-time in Michigan, and when they aren't 'living' somewhere, they're off traveling the globe - they're in England again now, which means I'm jealous.) Asheville is in a gorgeous part of the country, and the city itself is lovely. It has lots of art and great restaurants; plus, the Biltmore's there, so you know it's going to keep the riff-raff at arms' length.

Then again... take a look at what happened last night in the world of Class A baseball. It wasn't actually in Asheville, but Manager Joe Mikulik certainly represents his team and therefore the city of Asheville. It'll be interesting to see how he's welcomed back by the masses there. In my mind, I'm imagining him grimacing as he rides back into town and all the residents are just standing at the side of the road, slack-jawed and confused. A child with dried chocoloate ice cream on his chin and shirt stands holding a balloon and looks up at his father to ask what's going on, and the father just gives a stern look, puts a finger to his lips, and slowly shakes his head as if to say, No, Wendal, we shan't speak of this ever....

I didn't get much sleep this weekend, so this image is probably much funnier to me right now than it is to you. Until I can post the eventual, inevitable link to the video of the tantrum on YouTube, it'll have to do.

UPDATE: Cripes, that didn't take long!

Warming Back Up with Some Random Thoughts

• Perhaps the one thing that'd get me interested in teaching again: "middle school teachers have resigned after students saw them having sex in a classroom"
• Perhaps the one thing that could make the hot dog better: "peanut butter"
• Perhaps the one collection of images that most clearly represents my feelings about felines: "Hitler cats"